When do you become a man?
I confused my husband by simply calling him 'a man' and I have been struggling to understand why all week. Much to his 'amusement' he hit 30 a while back and I am sure I have spied a grey hair trying to steal the limelight within his eyebrows. Yet being known as ‘a man’ still makes him raise one eyebrow (with said grey hair) with that 'REALLY?' expression. And he doesn't seem to be the only man our age with this reaction, be it denial or social surroundings, they don't all seem to feel like ‘the man’ they wish to become yet.
So is it moving out? I didn’t fly from the nest, more like jumped before I was pushed at 22 and dragged my 28 year old fiancé with me from the comfort of his parents security. He survived.. just... and so far I have successfully managed to do his washing and cook his dinners to keep him ticking over.
Still not feeling ‘the man’ though, did marriage not impact him in this way? Our friends also got married earlier this year and after an over-the-top wedding in a castle, it didn’t seem to change much in our friends eyes. He merely fulfilled 'the next step', a duty of keeping his relationship and partner happy… and happy she was!
I questioned more; did he feel incomplete, as he is one of a few friends without a baby. He has not yet proven to the world that he is capable of 'creating life', similar to how a caveman would show pride in ‘man make fire!’. In the words of Jeremy Kyle, having a baby doesn’t prove anything! But is this where men of today find their certification for being an adult, when a child is around?
Us moving in together didn’t do it, and being married also changes nothing. If anything, during a wedding service, surely the mother of the groom should be walking your fiancé down the aisle and handing him over to you. You’ll be the one making him the man, proving his privates work (therefore destroying yours). You'll be washing his pants and cooking his dinners (and don't shake your head with the 'equal' relationship persona - its fact us women can cook and clean better). Basically being the woman, you will eventually be caring for him as the child he deep down longs to remain.
Men never grow up, not really, the lucky so and so's! It is unsurprising that some men believe they are a real man when they provide for and care for the family he created…. Giving him every opportunity to play games and be a kid all over again.... where's the Lego?