So many people go into marriage with the hope of “he’ll change” “she’ll change”, and when their expectations are not met, they get frustrated.
People don't change easily, neither do they like it when you are trying to change them. Change comes when they personally make up their mind to change.
If you are not yet married, then don't marry someone you are hoping to change, because this may be the ruining of your marriage. If he or she doesn't change to what you want, you’ll get frustrated and end up having an unhappy marriage or a divorce. Save yourself this future trauma by deciding if you will fully accept and live with the person the way he or she is and not the way you will want them to be.
This is not an excuse to start looking for a perfect human who would not have flaws or make mistakes. There are no perfect humans anywhere. It is an advice to accept people the way they are, other than expecting them to be some ideal human we created in our imaginations.
If you are already married, please don't try to change your spouse. This is the undoing of so many marriages. When you constantly show displeasure to someone's way of life, they get frustrated. Some will react by building a wall of protection. They will start keeping to themselves. Others may become angry and aggressive which may lead to emotional and physical abuse. Ultimately, all these may lead to a divorce or unhappy marriage.
The habit of trying to change other people is a selfish act that we should avoid it by all means.
People don't change people. You can only influence or inspire people to change.
HOW CAN YOU INFLUENCE YOUR SPOUSE TO CHANGE?
BE A ROLE MODEL TO YOUR SPOUSE
Treat them as you would want them to treat you.
Most times, we focus too much on the negative sides of other people, that we don’t have the time fix the wrong stuff in our own lives. Before you try to change anybody, analyze yourself first. For every action, there is always an equal reaction. You don't treat your spouse badly and expect the person to be a saint to you.
We all know it is very hard for us to see our own faults sometimes, this is where communication comes in to play a vital role. It is very important to communicate with your spouse. Ask them what they don't like about you. Make amends. You could be surprised to know that the things you want them to stop doing are only a reaction to your own actions. So if you make amends, they'll follow suit. Be the best spouse one would desire to have.
TREAT THE PERSON AS THOUGH HE ALREADY HAS THE DESIRED ATTRIBUTES.
I got this idea from a book I read some years ago. At that time, I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't too good to me. After I read the book, I stopped attacking him and started treating him as though he was the best boyfriend in the world. The results were remarkable. Within few weeks, he changed. He was so touched that he confessed he didn't deserve my nice treatments to him. He apologized and changed for good. You can also apply that to your marriage.
Whenever we are trying to change or correct another person, let's do it in love.
ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU WANT THAT PERSON TO CHANGE.
Are you trying to make the person be like you? Trying to change someone to sooth our beliefs and way of life is a selfish act. We must accept that couples are two different humans, so we should not expect the other person to behave exactly like us. Accepting individual differences is a key to happy marriage. Make rooms for their flaws and imperfections. Understand and respect the fact that they have their own beliefs and values.
PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR POSITION AND SEE WHY THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO.
Their reaction could be something that would be easily handled if properly understood. Just try to see things from their own perspectives. This helps a lot.
CONCLUSION
How do you feel when someone is always disapproving what you do? You feel bad right? That's the same way you make others feel when you regularly show displeasure to their personality.
Don’t try to change your spouse because you could meet a terrible resistance you never imagined. Inspire them to change with your own positive habits and unconditional love.
Stop focusing on things you want to change about them. Focus more on their good side and how to change yourself for good.
A happy marriage is the desire of most people, but only a few are enjoying it. Work hard to be among the few.
Photo credits: imgur.com
