One: I wish this title was click-bait, but it's not. Two: "brother-in-law" is not my term of choice. Three: You can choose your friends, but you sure can't choose your family!!!
In yesterday's blog https://steemit.com/family/@onetree/my-husband-s-crazy-dysfunctional-family-from-mauritius-introduction I described how my husband's entire family immigrated to South Africa from Mauritius when he was 4 years old. My mom-in-law was a teenage mother, and my husband was the result of an affair with a much older businessman. My mom-in-law remarried, but it was not for love, her new husband had to help pay the way for the majority of her extended family to come to SA.
This marriage only produced one child (thank goodness!), a boy I'll call Rick, five years younger than my husband, Sergio, and who is obviously my husband's half brother. When I met Sergio, he was in his early twenties, and I didn't pay any attention to his younger brother, he was just there. The only memory I have of him is their mom, Jeanine, constantly yelling for him to get out of bed and go to work. I knew that he and Sergio weren't close at all, but that was all there was to it. Sergio and I spent the majority of time over the next 3 years apart while I was in university and he was completing his National Service.
Despite our disparate backgrounds, Sergio and I were (and are) soulmates. We married in 1994 and ran a small business selling secondhand goods. It was from this time the issues with his half brother, Rick bubbled to the surface. During our time apart Rick was lucky enough to score a job at the local metal works. Any job there was sought after, being the main provider of income in our town. Sergio had only completed Grade 9, as his family circumstances and the school system did not suit his brilliant mind. Rick had even less education, but was minus the brilliant mind. He was (and is) also a very argumentative person. As we witness on social media and in real life, a lack of brains and a propensity to be confrontational go hand in hand!
The story of his job loss at the only employer where he had a chance to make something of himself, was that he had been involved in an ongoing argument with a work colleague, who had then framed him by putting dagga (marijuana) in his locker. As with everything concerning Rick, the veracity of this tale can rage from about 5% to 70%. I do know that it was an ongoing struggle to get him to work, with his mom begging him to get up every single morning. I stayed at their house for a while, and can still feel the severe irritation of that morning routine.
As Sergio and I became more successful in business, we set Sergio's mother up with a similar business in a small shop so that she could supplement the family income. Jeanine's spectacular skill was attracting the weirdest, and mostly pretty scummy, hangers on. She had made friends with a family who had nowhere to stay, and who had spent much of their life living in their car. This family, who consisted of the parents and their 3 children, spent all day, everyday in her shop, as did Rick. The one daughter was 16 years. See where I am going?
Rick has poor personal hygiene and very bad teeth. He is also a chain smoker of cheap black market cigarettes which really stink but somehow he and this girl, Audrey did their thing (shudder) and produced a little boy, Harvey (the subject of another blog altogether). After a while they married, and a few years later divorced in a fit of temper, but got back together and lived together for many years. And then married again! I was in one of my more forgiving stages at that time and even witnessed their wedding.
Rick has always done odd jobs for my husband, and at times we have employed him, though it invariably ends up in disaster. Rick never did try to find another form of stable employment, and basically hustles for an income. The pimping saga began like this:
Rick had sold my husband household fixtures such as light fittings, taps, curtain rails, etc that he said were given to him as part payment for a house move that he assisted with. To cut a long story short, this story was disputed and we had a ugly scene in our shop with the owner and the police. My husband, fastidiously by the book, had never experienced a situation like this before, was traumatised, and banished Rick from his life.
During the same period we had employed a white driver, Roy and he worked for us for a few months until he reversed the bakkie (pick-up truck) into our shop window. Unbeknownst to us Roy was pimping his 2 daughters AND his wife, and he introduced this way of life to Rick.
The next few years were really weird. Our business was growing, and my husband was a well known figure in town, and everybody knew who his brother was and what he did. If you drove through town in the evening you would physically see his wife Audrey standing on the street corner in her mini skirt. To make matters worse, the car they conducted business from was sold to them earlier by my mother and I got to witness our old family car in its new incantation! This went on for approximately 6 years and during this time they produced another 3 children. The first child, Harvey, had been adopted by his grandmother, Jeanine. One child was born severely disabled, apparently due to a kick that mother received to her stomach when she was pregnant, during an argument with a client. When their fourth child also turned out to be a boy they gave him up in a private adoption, but truthfully it was more like a transaction, as they received all new household furniture from the deal. (I am happy for that little boy though.)
Eventually Rick gave up his lifestyle and wormed his way back into my husband's life again. We eventually decided that we needed to forgive him and the ensuing years have been marked by varying degrees of conflict and acceptance, now becoming ever more complicated as Rick's children to reach adulthood. My husband has recently employed the 2 older boys. I try to keep my distance (at the moment I am not on speaking terms with Rick whatsoever), but leave my husband to follow his heart. We have been on this roller coaster for over 20 years and I don't see it ending anytime soon.
(all images are licensed for re-use, and do NOT depict Rick & Audrey!)
You don't get to choose your family, and you don't have control over what fate throws at you. You DO have control over your attitude though. I soon realised that anybody who would judge myself or my husband over the actions of a delinquent brother was not worth a moment of my consideration. I've always followed my own path, but the experiences I have had with Sergio's family have had a significant effect on my independent personality. I simply don't care what people think, and that is awesome. My roller coaster still has more than a few loops to complete, but I have the ability to deal with whatever the future holds.
