How are you doing friends.
As human being none if us will go through life without being criticised. No matter how good you're, no matter what you do (career) no matter where you come from, at some point you will be criticised. So with with criticism is a matter when it comes and not if it comes, how to handle it. Because criticism is a reality, we can never run away from it, we cannot hide or avoid it. As long as you live, as long as you go after your dreams, as long as you relate with people and as long as you live by your values, criticism will always lurk around. The earl you accept this reality the better you will be prepared to face it when it pounces on you.
That is the reality number one, the reality number two is this, our human nature always abhors criticism. Even when we know our human nature is weak, imperfect and susceptible to failure, we still hold a feeling of self righteousness in us. We feel important and too better to be wrong.
We fear to be wrong because we feel it takes away our worthiness. Thus we fight it with all our might, perhaps we can keep our righteousness. But often times we end up loosing the battle.
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Reconciling the two harsh realities is not a simple task, it takes maturity, a great depth of knowledge and wisdom. In this post I will share with you a thing or two about how to best handle criticism.
So what do you do when you face criticism?
- Remember the two realities have mentioned above, first criticism is a fact of life, if you have never been criticised may be you have never tried to do anything worthwhile or you're a junk of all trader's. Worse you need to pinch yourself may be your dead. Because if your alive criticism is just part of the package of being alive and kicking. Second reality is, remember our human nature abhors criticism, doesn't matter if the criticism is right or not we just hate it. When you understand these two realities you will always be in control.
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- Consider the source of criticism
Is your critic a reliable person? How do you regard him, what is his reputation to other people. Because sometimes people who criticise you, have issues in their own lives, sometimes it is in their public life sometimes in their private life. And you become an easy target to them.
It could be their jealous with your progress in life. Because your successful in what they failed. It could be they have inferiority complex or their just negative people or they could be hurt people. They say hurting people hurt people.
Sometimes they may be right, you real need to change certain things in your life. And if you mistake such a person has being jealous, you would be missing a very important insight about your life, work, habits or dreams.
So do not be quick to do or say anything when criticised. First just consider the source objectively. Its hard to objective in such times but it possible. So consider the source.
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- Consider the kernel of truth, the substance of criticism.
Is there substance in what you have been accused of? They issue may have been brought out not in the best way, but that is not important to a mature person. For a mature person goes for the substance of accusations. They accuser may have pointed that out to weaken you, to destroy you. But if your wise enough and humble enough you may take that criticism and better yourself.
Not only that the accuser may be also somebody who count for nothing, but they say even a broken clock speak true twice a day. So learn to focus on the substance of accusations. Sometimes a person who accuses you may be a mouth piece of other people, he says what he heard. He may be not that wise to come up with that criticism but he has ears, he may have heard something. The voice may be his but the idea may be not his or hers.
Sometimes is good to listen to things that look small and an important, people that are ignored in the society. If you ignore people too much, you will become foolish and also listening too much to may make you stupid. A proper balance is important.
To achieve that you need to learn to find substance, without it you can never have the right response to criticism. Criticism we always be there but how we dealing with it makes a big difference.
- Be slow to respond, to explain and complain.
Sometimes when you explain you make it even worse, you will try to be logical and reasonable but at that moment people may be emotional. You cannot easily talk them out of what you have been accused of. No matter how many times you explain people will keep on hearing what they want to hear.
When your criticised you can also become emotional too. And when our emotions have the best of us logical lines and facts become blurred. Because to be honest there types of criticism that are hard to bear. The only thing you strongly feel at that moment is, respond with fire and furry as Trump said to Kim. But it is wise to shut up, sack it up and keep moving. You may be considered stupid for keeping quite, but only by the fools, wise people will note your wisdom in your silence.
The other problem with responding you may do it too earl when all the facts may have not come out. You miss to hear more and know who are the true friends and who are the foes. So take it slow, say nothing, explain nothing, complain nothing and do nothing as a defense. Sometimes a word heals sometimes a silence heals. It is knowing when and how to say or not to say something that makes a difference.
Let's call it a day for today, I will continue with remain steps, in the next article. Thank you for taking time to read this post.