Hello, I greet you.
When a man and woman are in love and are dating, they feel and the think that they have a lot in common. The connection feels strong,deep and real. They communicate well, misunderstanding are easily resolved. Individuals weaknesses are not taken seriously. The imaginations of each towards the other are positive, dreams of their future are like never seen before. Everything about their relationship is special, unique and impeccable. Their relationship is not like any other.
They enjoy each others company none of them is boring. The spend more time together both physically and technologically. The understanding and the chemistry between them is organic. Their relationship machine is oily and it is firing on all cylinders. Nobody can stop it.
But the moment these love birds nest together, something happens. That shakes the foundation of their relationship. The juicy disappears, the energy level lessens, communication becomes problematic, the similarities fades away and each looks for a break from each other. When a relationship is in this season, you begin questioning the love you had for each other, you question the choice you made, you question the commitment of each other to the relationship and you question the knowledge you have about your spouse.
Some relationships survives the season some do not. But I'm here today to share something perhaps it may help wives or those who will be in a relationship soon and they see marriage on horizon. It will help wives to know why their perception and expectations to the husband may be marriage juicy killers.
Here are the three things;
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- Your husband can never be anything else but your husband.
Your husband cannot replace your dady and your husband can never be your girlfriend, at best he can only be your husband. And as the matter of fact you got married to have a husband not a your father clone or your girlfriend. So why do you want him now to behave like your father or a girlfriend.
He has all it takes to be a husband but not those two. He has a lot of love and affection towards you as a husband not like those two. If you except him to relate to you like those two, he will surely fall short. And that will affect your private knowledge about him, that also will affect your feelings towards him, henceforth your relationship will be shaken.
Because it is hard to feel, acknowledged and embrace his love when you're looking for a girlfriend in him.
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- Your Husband is A man
You're equal, that is a fact but the other fact is this, you're not the same. Being equal and being the same are two separate things, equal deals with standards or measure whereas same deals with the make up of things, features and characteristics. For example one kilo if cotton is equal to one kilo of sand, their equal but not the same.
The differences you have are not only physical or biological only, they are also psychological, social and historical too. All these affects how he acts, reacts, behave, communicates and live.
Biologically he has a monster hormone called testosterone, this hormone determines the secondary characteristics of his male hood, whereas you have estrogen hormones that determines your secondary female characteristics. Do you notice the difference, he is influenced with different hormone from yours, thus you cannot be the same. And this is not the only biological difference, there others, but let today stop at this.
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Psychological, men think different. Your husband will never think like you. He processes things different from you. Those some scientist disagreed with differences in male and female brains, but there's a scientific fact also that their brain function different from each other, and I choose to believe that. And if your a wife you better believe so. Because we live with these realities, you do not a laboratory to go and prove that.
Socially, the socialize different and the have different social responsibilities from yours. When men converse listen to content and compare it to women talk. When go out observe the activities they do then compare it to women, it goes on and on, but if you make an honest conclusion you will see the difference, and those differences do not determine who they are but it shows who they are. How many friends you have compare to how friends does he have, you will discover you have more friends than him, that's how men are. Social responsibility also tells a story, each society may have different expectations but we have shared expectations also globally, one of those expectations men are view as protectors, leaders and providers.
Historical it includes his past experiences including upbringing, and the values of the family he grew up.
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- Your his but best choice, he loves you but he is privately confused about you. In short He doesn't understand you but he fears to admit it openly to you.
Every sensible man, I know in an effort to love, serve, lead his wife and build a perfect marriage. Struggles with this confusion. He tries to understand his wife so that he may please her, but he falls short terribly.
In the midst of this struggles he is accuse that he doesn't listen to you, he tries to remember in what exactly he did not listen to you, he doesn't see where. Yet it is true you told him, the only problem is you were not clear and not straight to the point. You talk a lot of things and some appeared even not connected. By the time you got the point he was already tired.
Sometimes he solves issues that you didn't want him to solve because you knew the answer but you were only venting, sometimes he doesn't the solve and you feel he doesn't care, for him he thinks may be your just venting.
When you want romance he goes all the way to sex, he thinks you want it. You become offended, he gets more confused.
These are just some of the few things that men are confused about women. There other areas and issues but let's stop here, because the point is clear. He loves you but but he doesn't understand you and he is judged harshly about that and he is even more confused.
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Conclusion
These are not the only issues, there many other issues, but for I chose to discuss only these three.
There expectations to what I have discussed, because people are unique and each relationship is unique in some ways, but I thought these are quite common. So no offence.
Next time I will be back to discuss the things that I wish husband know.
Thank you for your time and patience.