Reflections Of My Former Self
We appear to live in the age of the self-righteous, the vitriolic and egotistic, but I wonder that if everyone is right, then who is wrong? And if nobody is wrong then are we doomed to spin in ever decreasing circles? As I navigate my way through the hall of mirrors we term life, I recall that I can relate to such egotism, within the expressions of the narcissist I see an unfiltered reflection of my former self. I built a shield around myself that no word or action could pierce, my body was strong, my mind was sharp and my acid-tongued humour cut like a razor. I was also confrontational and possessed a fighting spirit that would never allow me to turn the other cheek.
My humour was akin to my boxing style, and when embroiled in one of my legendary banter or piss-taking sessions I would come at you throwing everything I had. I would tie my adversaries up in so many knots that they would stumble over their words and become reduced to a laughing stock. I was too harsh!! The wall may have protected me, but it also blinded me to the power of my words and the effect they had upon others.
Moving On
I have since lived a very colourful life, first hand I’ve seen both the good and the evil that men do. I’ve seen the bad become good and the do-gooders behave badly, life is seldom as simplistic as the labels and personas we assume. How willingly we sacrifice the gift of the individual perspective to the altar of collective identity. So self-righteous are we to allow our group think to dehumanise those that fail to adhere to our idealism. Little do we understand that in the long run the people we most hurt through our negative actions and interactions are ourselves; they destroy our ability to empathise and self reflect, for the mirror of self-reflection heralds no image for the eyes of the narcissist.
We get caught up in over analysing the beliefs and opinions of others, whilst at the same time refusing to analyse our own behavioral patterns. Nobody is perfect in this world, not you, not I, and certainly not those that feel as though they have all the answers. By believing themselves to be right, the narcissist fails to understand the validity of being wrong, they stifle their growth and suffocate those that fail to align themselves to their beliefs. Personally, I would rather be united in intent than divided by details.
Our transient egotistic foundations of sand will one day fall to the winds of change; one day we will all be left naked, our hearts exposed for the world to see. How you want to be seen/remembered is your decision to make, my decision has been made and I’ve surrendered self-gain and the gratification of the ego to the path of humility. Life has humbled me and in humility, I have found both an insight and compassion that I wouldn’t trade for all the wealth and power of the world. I am nobody and yet I am everybody, and by participating in this dance we call life, every cell in my body and every fibre of my being is resonating as the magnum opus of creation.
The path of humility is not an expression of weakness, indeed we (as a species) have an inverted perception of power. We fail to understand that if our power is derived from overpowering then it is a reflection of our inner weakness and insecurity. We fail to understand the nature and power of anger. Whilst I may turn the other cheek, if in my daily life someone tries to exert their will against/over me, then my anger will be justified and they will run into a brick wall. Justified anger is both far more powerful and a wholly different entity to self-serving and unjustified rage. Just anger can change the world, rage without justification will destroy it.
Getting To The Point
So is there a point to my words? I guess there has to be. When I joined #steemit it was the philosophy and the free exchange of ideas that drew me here. The site whispered a promise that captivated my imagination, the anticipation and excitement that swirled around its premise was palpable. The infectious collective energy of thousands of enquiring minds and firing synapses was both electric and magnetic. There are some amazing people on this platform; people that extol the very best virtues of a humanity that is too often absent within our greater society. Sadly in our race to the lowest common denominator, these voices of reason are increasingly drowned out.
Regular readers will know that I have been busy with moving house and a subsequent renovation. I haven’t been online as much and when I return it’s like stepping into the twilight zone, where I used to seek inspiration I now find venom and vitriol. There are times when I have been angered and have had to pull myself back from reverting to type, stopping myself being drawn into the shouting matches and arguments, for what would it achieve? Another angry voice shouting into the wind, don’t we have enough of those?
Final Thoughts
The site is morphing into a microcosm of the problems many of us came here to escape, every aspect of society (the good, bad and the ugly) is playing out in real time and in full view. For someone like myself (a student of psychology) I suppose it has a morbid curiosity, but equally I can’t help but lament the divisive nature of the human condition.
I guess I just wanted to politely voice my dissatisfaction with current events, to say that I feel/I felt that we are better than this. In sharing my thoughts, the narcissists, the serial and ideological flaggers (and there are many) may see elements of themselves within my words and in turn flag me into oblivion, so be it. The world is a theatre and within that context, we all have our parts to play, the stage is set and the curtain is rising, what role will you assume?
As sands of time fall between
our fingers
our shadows dance across
the sun
I ponder should we live
each day
as if we have just one?
How sweet the smell of the
wilting rose
that will not be smelt again
how sad the lust
for power and control
that perverts the minds
of men.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, until next time I will leave you to decide who has the perceptualflaws.
Written by perceptualflaws
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