Many parents are wondering what to say to their child about Santa, how to avoid their pain and disappointment, how not to lie to them when they are taught to tell the truth, etc.
There are few documents that guide and support parents in their responses, yet this is an integral part of our society.
In this sense, I propose a few lines to feed your thinking and support you in your choice of answers to your child (or your children).
Magic or lie?
First, to make Santa belief is much more than a "sweet lie". It is to encourage the child to believe in a myth, to participate in a social ritual, to a truth that is part of our society. Personally, I find that all the "magic" that surrounds this holiday and Santa Claus is a beautiful story.
The function of the imaginary and its beneficial effects
Santa Claus, his elves, reindeers and all that surrounds the Christmas story, are part of fantasy and feed the imagination of children. Until the age of 7-8 years old, the child is in the magic thought, imagine many scenarios and invent stories. Afterwards, he develops the concrete thought that allows him to gather facts to obtain a logical conclusion. It is when the child reaches this age that he asks many questions to his parents; these are often disconcerted and do not know what to answer.
Before, it is easy to invent stories and explanations because the child believes in it; we can clearly see it through its games of dragons, princesses, policemen, carriages, hospitals, witches, wolves, etc.
It is important for the development of the child, for his adaptation to life and the difficulties it contains, to stimulate his imagination. As mentioned by Monique Brillon, in her book Thought that Heals: "Any adult able to do a work of mental development leading to awareness is also able to use his imagination to find new solutions to the difficulties to which she is confronted.
It is also during this period of magical thought that a base, more or less solid, is built inside the child. Santa Claus is a good and smiling character and he is thus part of the positive representations of the child. In this sense, we could say that to allow the child to believe in Santa Claus (or other mythical character of the genre), in magic, is to give him hope in life, to secure him, to reassure him in front of obstacles give him access to something good for him.
Since Father Christmas represents a father figure and contains a certain magic, he can reflect the image of a good father who thinks of the child by giving him a gift, listening to him tell him what he wants or simply listening to him sing a song. If we want to convey this image of kindness and generosity, will we say to the child: "Be wise if you want Santa Claus to bring you gifts! "? This sentence has very little impact in my opinion because the children quickly remember that they will still have gifts.
This sentence can also be tricky for other children forgotten by this holiday, who may wonder what they have done wrong for it to be so.
Transmission of values, traditions: long-term impacts
The Christmas approach is a good time for parents to pass on their values to children, to perpetuate traditions or to create new ones. In this transmission of values and traditions, we find several benefits.
Here are a few :
Integrate sharing and generosity: We give to those we love, we receive from Santa Claus and those who think of us, not only as gifts or money but in time (do activities together, have dinner together) and in words (good wishes on the cards, words that say less often). We leave Santa with biscuits and milk or we want to give him a gift too.
Participate in the development of social consciousness is given to less advantaged backgrounds, we realize that Christmas is not celebrated everywhere in the same way and some people make mutual assistance in community organizations, etc.
Develop a sense of belonging: Whether a company (in malls, everyone prepares for the same party), group (those who believe versus those who do not believe), a family (traditions different depending on each, picking the natural Christmas tree, preparing traditional food, making greeting cards, etc.)
Find the pleasure of being together: Think also of those who are no longer there (including animals!).
Prepare your heart for pleasure: Party and holidays.
Stimulate the rise of desire: It is the moment to make wishes, to express demands, even the most wacky, and to desire very strong ...
Promoting patience by waiting and anticipation: We talk a long time in advance of this big party. Indeed, Santa Claus moved to stores from the month of November then we do the count of 24 days of preparation with an Advent calendar. In our society where we can get a lot of things quickly, living this expectation positively helps the child to live out other more difficult expectations that life can bring.
" NO! I do not want to go! "
It is common to meet children who are afraid of Santa Claus and can be understood by taking a step back and looking at the often pressing and emotional reactions around this character.
At this point, I recommend not to insist that the child approach Santa Claus, but to accompany him if he wishes. Otherwise, stay with the child and let them watch the other children approaching the character to help him tame this stranger. The child will choose when he is ready to approach.
If we insist too much, we risk provoking more resistance from him and leaving him bad memories related to this myth. We can also reassure the child that Santa is a disguise, a little like Halloween, and we can play with the child to dress up like him (hat, suit , beard ...).
The questions of the child and the reaction of the parents
As for the questions surrounding this myth, they will first turn around concrete facts: "How can Santa enter our home since we have no chimney? How does he go in the chimney with his big belly? "I like to respond to the child by first returning the question to arouse his imagination and fantasies around the subject:" I do not know.
What do you think? You will then be entitled to beautiful answers imagined by the child. If it does not answer and the adult does not know what to say, he can always rely on the magic of Christmas to answer, especially when the child is in this way of thinking (before 7-8 years ): "It must be magic! Or "It's magic is not it? ". Let yourself enter their imagination,
The more the child grows, the more questions are elaborated: "How does he distribute all the presents to the children in all the houses? How can he make all the toys? Why is Daddy never present when Santa arrives?
The child will then look for the answers to his questions, he will have doubts but he will want to continue to believe it still.
Then the questions will multiply and may become insistent. The process will be natural because little by little, the child will hear things that will shake his beliefs, but he will keep what he will be ready to take and digest. On the other hand, if the questions become too insistent and the game of magic is no longer funny, for example: "Mom, dad, tell me the truth! I know that Santa Claus does not exist because of ... ", at this point, there is no point in continuing to pretend since the child does not want to play anymore. It is better to keep the bond of trust and focus on the fact that the child is big enough to realize that it is a beautiful story that allows us to celebrate together, to give ourselves, and that the "true Father Christmas "exists in our child's heart.
We can also say that this story allows us to live beautiful moments, reminds us of tender memories, and that is why adults continue to talk about Santa Claus to allow them to relive them. The child will certainly be disappointed, but at the height of what he will be able to live.
It may also be that the child's reaction is strong (anger or tears). So, the parent can only accompany him in what he lives, a bit like a process of mourning. It is then emphasized that Santa Claus continues to exist in our head and our heart, through the lived memories that are inscribed in us forever.
Then, we invite the child to do what most other children of his age, as adults, do with this magical Christmas: perpetuate it with the little ones!
The siblings in all this
If there are other children in the family, how do you manage the older people's comments with the younger ones who still believe in Santa? Often, the older ones feel very great by the mere fact of knowing and they naturally yield to the youngest this magic; they maintain it before them and for them.
On the other hand, others will want to share the news with the younger ones. At this point, we can take them apart and explain to them how pleasant it is to believe in this magic, encourage them to help the youngest to continue to believe in it and not to harm them by wanting to disillusion them too soon. You can also remind them how important it was for them to keep believing until they were big enough.
Explain to the oldest the importance and the pleasure for the little ones to believe in it, that they are entitled to it as long as they need it. This will allow the older ones to know the reasons that motivated their parents to do the same with them.
