Forget chocolates! Life is like a blank page. Leave it blank.
Those of us who aim to write are familiar with the term ‘writers’ block’. Fingers confidently poised over the keyboard – or more quaintly, white-knuckling a pen – can become paralysed with indecision as the most excellent and persuasive words we first formed in our heads evaporate like mist between mind and hand. In fact, I am in this annoying place right now. The only way past this, I find, is to throw down ideas on the page like mud to a wall. Something will inevitably stick and I’ll sieve through the dross until I finally formulate some sort of reasonable narrative.
Sometimes the blank page wins. Chin resting on hand, my thoughts will start to wander until more interesting and compelling ideas come to the fore. I then tend to launch myself into random internet searches that can lead, weblike, to places and inspiration far removed from what I originally planned.
Trouble is, when I finally surface for air, the page remains stubbornly blank. Damn!
But I have come to the opinion that this is no bad thing. To be free to surf my life seems much more preferable to being locked into restrictive personal or social expectations. I’m sure vocational counsellors and retirement planners would be horrified at my short sighted and fiscally irresponsible attitude.
Procrastination might as well be my middle name. As a child, my room would gradually choke up with clothes strewn on the floor and books stacked precariously high on any flat surface I could find. Before I knew it, the simple act of entering my room became more akin to a caving expedition. Only then would I be compelled to put everything away – only to have it slowly revert to its usual chaotic state. This would fascinate me no end and lead me to wonder why, over time, order inevitably leads to disorder. Then one day I came across Chaos Theory, which explains how small changes in initial conditions lead to overall drastic changes. Stack a book, drop some clothing – voila! – a godawful mess that has my mother on my back to tidy it all up – or else!
So began a lifelong interest in all things scientific that may not have happened if I didn’t put off this basic domestic chore. That’s my excuse, at any rate!
Funny enough, I still have trouble being tidy. But I am very, very good at finding stuff amongst the clutter. A lifetime of practice, no doubt.
Another personal skill honed by procrastination is Meeting The Deadline. Whether it be school homework, assignments, organizing my father’s 80th birthday event etc. – the task will always get done. Eventually. Even if I have to sit up past midnight in a lather of sweat and strung out on coffee shots, I will finish the project on time. It’s amazing how the primal fear of failure tends to keep me firmly on track. Trouble is, I’m like a wet rag at the end of the ordeal. But like a true procrastinator, I never learn and am doomed to repeat the process every time I stupidly agree to take on a new challenge.
I often wonder what it would be like to be a person who never puts things off, who buys Christmas presents a year before the date, who never forgets relatives’ birthdays and sends all cards in time, who is always ready for any event and spends the night before deadlines in a deep and untroubled sleep….
It doesn’t sound like me at all!
So I’ll sit here in front of my blank page. Maybe I’ll start to write, maybe I won’t.
….in fact, I think I’ll go look up a bit more about Chaos Theory. After all, the theory further proposes that “Chaos is not simply disorder. Chaos explores the transitions between order and disorder, which often occur in surprising ways…”
Yes, the page is still blank.
But who knows where it will lead?
Image Credits: LifeHacker UNSW