Afternoon Steemit,

I don’t really know where to begin. My regular followers will know I am a ’happy go lucky' person. However, those of you who have followed me from the very beginning will know I suffer. Today is one of those days…

Anxiety Rears Its Ugly Head - Again!

I hate this feeling. I was fine this morning, then it got to this afternoon and for no apparent reason I felt snappy, angry, upset and tearful. These feelings just came out of the blue. I try to talk to my friends about how I am feeling, but the majority of them always ask me ”What’s happened?” or ”What’s brought all this on?” Well unless you have been there you wouldn’t have a clue! No one understands why you have no explanation and it ’just comes out of nowhere”. I feel sick in my chest, I am constantly thinking of all the ’what if’s’ Today I feel alone in this big, wide world. Even though I have friends and family that love me. I am having those thoughts of ’Maybe everyone is better off without me’. I’m sure when tomorrow comes, I will wake up feeling different to how I feel now. I know I have a lot to look forward to. I know I am a very lucky person with what I have. Some people might even say I have it all. Sometimes you would rather have nothing and not to have these thoughts and feelings carrying on. I feel so bad today that I don’t even want to eat. I’ve lived on coffee so far and I don’t see that changing at all. All I’ve done this afternoon is be on my own. I’ve sat and cried and have felt completely useless and sorry for myself.

I hope anyone who reads this understands that they are not alone. I wouldn’t want this feeling to happen to my worst enemy. I know I will be alright later, if not today, tomorrow. I don’t want to talk to my mum because I know me being upset makes her upset. That’s the last thing I want. All I do it hide my feelings and emotions. To the outside I am a strong, confident woman. That’s because I hide hide my true feelings so well. Deep down I feel like a broken doll. Just gotta plough through the rest of the day and fingers crossed tomorrow will be a new (and happy) day.

Much love,

Platinum-blue x