I am a person who will smile and laugh with you.
But behind those laughters is a woman emotionally tortured.
All my life I was asking God "why do I have to be in this situation? why it has to be me? Am I not worthy to be loved? am I not that important? why? "
My situation made me strong , made me do things that are not good and most of all made my heart like stone.
My father tried to sell me.
My mother can't take care of me.
My grandmother gave me to her sister.
My life is full of pain.
Full of questions,
Full of hatred.
What did I do to them to be treated that way?
Why can't they take care of me?
And then there they are, Claiming that they are my parents. Funny how they can call theirselves a parent. Funny how they played their role in my life. I wish it easy to accept everything they did.
I always tried to forgive them, but funny how they keep disappointing me. They keep proving me that they are not worthy of my forgiveness.
When I knew about the truth, I was really hurt. I was so young at that time but I know what was happening. I felt like My life was a lie.
Everytime I face the truth, tears will continously falling from my eyes. You would really see how much painful it for me.
Emotionally tortured for 16 years.
Bullied for 15 years.
I came to the point that I feel so tired living my life full of misery. I felt like I just wanted to die and to run away from the things that makes me cry, from the people who hurt me.
I am tired. I keep proving myself to everyone that somehow "I AM WORTHY TO BE LOVED" but people around me makes me feel that what am I doing is still not enough.
God is so good to make me strong each day to face everything, to face the truth. God provided me the strength that I needed. It is God who loves me more than anyone. I may not see him but I do feel him. I do know that he is with me everytime. I know he guides me and for that I am blessed despite the bad things happened in my life. I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
I wish someday all of my questions will be answered. I wish I could have that peace of mind someday. I wish I will be healed.