I used to be that obnoxious guy that...
( I can already hear the jokes: USED?! )
Again: I USED to be the obnoxious guy that stated to everyone's face that having a job, long office hours, stress, hassles of the modern world is not excuse for not doing something you want or is good for your: like going to the gym, or an art fair, or shopping at farmer's market or cooking.
I was all high and mighty about it! You just don't want it enough, I preached.
Dear God, I sucked!!
As it happens, I have embarked on a new job and position that teaches me a few lessons that I sorely needed. Given that all my previous "jobs" were mostly part-time, freelancing type of gigs or me playing poker in my underwear I had not true understanding on what working in a team, having a boss, deadlines and intensive round the clock responsibilities does to a man. It's a shocker!
In breaking news, Raz discovers that working is hard!
It's also interesting to me to observe how work affects my day and my willpower. I see that a lot of things that are not vital get lost: less gym for example. Everything that is not important takes a lot of effort to mentally push myself to do it. I want to cook but when exactly? I should start after but all I want to do is lay down and relax.
Speaking of relaxation: this is not easy. After 8-10 hours of intense concentration the brain does not "just shuts off". It's difficult and again, take a lot of discipline to "turn off" and get back a more idle state.
My eating habits are shit. Just yesterday I devoured a KFC bucket by myself. ( I started pretty happy staring at a huge bucket of chicken and the marvelous garlic sauce...then ended up disgusted at myself ). I drink too much Coke. I generally eat too much junk food. This is not me but I am less able to resists the urges.
It reminds me again of my favorite video to watch and re-watch: David Foster Walle on "This is water".
Especially this part:
how to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone day in and day out. That may sound like
hyperbole, or abstract nonsense. Let's get concrete. The plain fact is that you graduating seniors do not yet have any clue what "day in day out"really means. There happen to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration.
All this can totally make you a sort of a Zombie.
My conclusion is that, as always, there's a choice. The choice to rise above, organize, get your shit together and fight the inertia. Most of you reading this, already veterans on the job market have found a happy equilibrium ( or, to be mean, have not yet realized that you're working out life away. just kidding. ) but for me this is still early days. Embarrassing to say this at 30 but here it is.
It's also a lesson in empathy for me, and how it is easy to be dismissive and that I should maybe be more careful to try and understand what other people go through before judging them for being fat, unfit, lazy, demotivated, weak. I don't judge, merely ascertain but still. IF I really want to ever be able to help anyone I need to be able to understand them and their lives. This is impossible from a position of lack of empathy.
May this post be a reminder.
How do you deal?