According to experts, singles need to be on the lookout for a new relationship trend that could make them the victim of a manipulator.“Love bombing,” says psychiatrist Dale Archer, writing for Psychology Today, is a “form of conditioning” used by manipulative people to train those they are dating to act in the way they want them to.Relationships start off with lots of gifts and attention, says Archer, but it turns out to be a way that the giver trades for care and affection.As soon as they perceive that they are not receiving either, he says, you will often see their true colors!
A new relationship trend … According to experts, there is a new relationship trend that especially singles need to be on the lookout for. It’s called “Love Bombing,” and according to psychiatrist Dale Archer, writing for Psychology Today, it is a tactic used by manipulators to train the people they date to act the way they want them to and give them the care and attention they want.
Love bombing feels so romantic. “Love bombing” is seductive, says Archer, and can feel like a whirlwind romance. Far more than simply being the rush of new romance, the relationship starts with extravagant displays of affection, including gifts and lots of attention.
When you are being “love bombed” things move quickly. Relationships in which you are being “love bombed,” says Archer, tend to move quickly, and not only does all the attention help to push any doubts and reservations to the background, it can also cause high levels of infatuation. The constant contact, he says, like calls and texts, can also make it difficult for the victim of a “love bomber” to be able to assess if they are being manipulated.
Narcissists use love bombing as a tactic.All of the affection and attention, says Archer, begin to make victims co-dependent on the “love bomber,” who he says is often a “narcissist or sociopath.” The honeymoon period does come to a dramatic end when the “predator” or “love bomber” detects even the smallest hint of their victim not showing the care or focus on them that they want.
It feels like falling in love. “Love bombing” can be difficult to spot, says Archer, because relationships are usually exciting to begin with. People are often taken by the potential of the future, the process of getting to know someone new, and the emotional highs provided by the release of chemicals in the brain!
Can feel like the real thing. The difference between the usual “butterflies” and “giddiness” of a new relationship and a relationship in which you are being “love bombed,” says Archer, is that things become serious very quickly. He says that the person also demands more of your time than most would consider normal.
”Love bombers” feel like a match made in heaven. Archer says that some victims of “love bombers” even start dating with the intention of taking things slowly but find that almost impossible when confronted by someone who seems perfect for them. In no time, a predator who is love bombing you, says Archer, might declare that you are “the one,” start making plans to marry you and might even move in!
”Love bombers” are attractive.There are reasons why a “love bombing abuser” could be attractive to you, says Joe Pierre, also writing for Psychology Today. Narcissists, explains the professor of psychiatry and biobehavioral sciences at UCLA, often have a list of sought-after traits like “self-sufficiency, confidence, and ambition.”
People with unresolved issues from the past are often victims of “love bombing.” Another reason why some people are more likely to become the victim of a “love bomber,” says the author of “Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness,” Deborah Ward, is that they tend to go for a similar kind of abusive relationship over and over again. This is because she says the victim has unresolved issues that they need to address before that relationship pattern can change.
Some people are comfortable in “damaging and toxic relationships.” People who have experienced trauma in the past, says Ward, may attempt to “fix the past” by recreating it time and time again in other relationships. They become comfortable with “damaging, toxic relationships" because it becomes what they are used to.
What happens when the mask falls off … According to experts, when the mask falls away from the “love bomber,” the experience can be heartbreaking for the victim. Victims are likely to invest time trying to bring back the person they thought they met, and it may take them a long time to admit that the person never actually existed.
The gifts were all calculated. All the affection, attention, and gifts were part of a transaction, say experts. Each thing they ever gave you was part of a well-calculated strategy designed to ensure that you would always want to keep them happy.
”Love bombs” are designed to keep victims compliant. “Love bombers” raise you up so they can devalue you, says Perpetual Neo, a therapist who specializes in the kind of personality types that are likely to love bomb others. This is meant to keep their victims on high alert against doing anything wrong.
How to know you are dating a “love bomber.” Archer writes that if the “extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely,” and the the words of the person you are dating matches with their actions, then you may not be dealing with a “love bomber.” What you are looking out for is the sudden shift to angry and controlling behavior with accompanying “unreasonable demands.”
Take things slow. According to Archer, the best way to be sure is to take things slow. Acknowledge when you feel pressured and impress your boundaries. If it seems too good to be true, he says, then chances are it probably is!