I don’t know why I do it.

I’m standing at the edge of the ocean. It’s brisk and very cold — well, cold by southern Australian standards. A Victorian winter has started after a late warm spell stretching into May. The weather is all large bumps and waves; it’s tumultuous out there. Towards the east, wild, big swells are breaking over the reef.

The sky is every colour from white to grey to purple to blue and green. It’s mesmerising. It’s like looking at a fire with the opposite colour scheme. I can’t look away.

I’m huddled in my coat — the warm one we brought over from England — with the hood pulled up. I have a beanie on my head, warm socks, boots, and it’s fucking great.

There’s no one here apart from a lone wing foiler trying to get started, but he’s probably a learner because he’s not doing too well and keeps falling in the water. Saying that, the water temperature is just over 16 degrees, which is still fairly mild, really. I remember swimming in the Franklin River in Tasmania at 15 degrees, and that took your breath away, but I survived. And two weeks ago I was swimming in Tasmania and it was 14 degrees. It wasn’t that bad.

Well, I say that. It was actually really cold.

And again, standing here thinking about putting on my bathers, it just feels like madness to jump into that water.

Still, I think I might wait for high tide, then go home, light the fire, get warm, and just knit for a while. The southwest wind is buffeting the front windows.

After lunch, when the tide gets high, I head down to the beach and sit in my car, all rugged up and cosy and warm, just thinking, what the fuck am I actually doing?

I rip off my clothes, put my bathers on, grab my towel, run across the wet car park splashing through puddles, head straight down, chuck my towel down, put my keys on a post, run in, dive into the water, take a deep breath, then dive in again — because you’ve got to go under at least three times for it to be called a swim, even if I’m the only one in there. I’m making these rules up and there’s no one around to hold me accountable.

And I stay in the water for a little bit. I let my body numb.

But somehow it feels really, really good. Like this kind of pain is a better pain than tendon pain and ligament pain and heartbreak and hangovers and being frazzled from talking to people and being slightly depressed because you haven’t had enough vitamin D, or because you haven’t slept properly for a few nights.

All of those ills just fade away in the cold of the water, because this is the only thing to feel right now, in this moment: this cold.

There is only this blue sky. There are only these grey clouds hanging low, swirling like whales and dolphins in the sky.

Just fucking great.

And I get back out of the water, run up the beach, grab my towel, get into my car, turn the heater on, drive home, jump in the shower, strip off my bathers, and warm up, and feel joy.

Have you heard of the Ocean Lovers community on Hive?

I've started this community because I wanted to create an inclusive place that supported anyone who loves the ocean - not just 'surfing' but sea kayaking, paddle boarding, wild swimming - and not just ocean conservation but ocean animals, environmental issues, pollution - and anything from marine animals to walks along the beach. Of course you can post all of that in specific communities, no problem, but I'll be hunting the hashtag #oceanlovers as well to upvote and share your content in the Ocean Lovers community. I think I was a bit disillusioned with some communities who started but are abandoned and/or no longer curated, and because I'm basically on Hive all the time and aren't leaving any time soon, I thought I might be able to maintain this one.

If you can support in anyway, either by delegating, writing a post, being an admin or running challenges or curating, I'd be so happy! Check out the initial post for the community here and feel free to download this footer and badge/ banner for your ocean loving posts!

^{Welcome to the Ocean Lovers community on Hive! Please feel free to tag your ocean related content #oceanlovers for support, and connect with others with anything to do with the big blue sea - marine life & conservation, ocean sports, beach life, & everything salt water!}

With Love,

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