When I was 11 years old, I managed to convince my impoverished foster parents that I absolutely needed a computer for school. They didn't have much money but my sweet parents managed to get me what I needed, as they always did. They got me a Gateway computer with Windows 98, a whopping 12 GB hard drive, and a year of AOL dial-up internet. I was instantly hooked. On the internet I wasn't a poor kid in South Texas anymore. I could be anyone from anywhere. I could meet people that liked the things I did! As someone who's always felt very lonely and different from my peers this was absolutely exhilarating.
I vaguely recall AOL had regional chat rooms and I was in one when I got a message from YooMC. Before responding, I checked out his AOL profile and it was all fancied up with colors and "ThIs TyPe Of WrItInG." Surely he was cool! ....I'm sure that was the sentiment going on in my pre-teen head. Initially this man told me he was 17, I told him I was 13 originally but I was caught in a lie when I couldn't name what Jr. High I went to. He didn't care that I was 11. He said I was mature and sweet. My only thought was "Woah, a 17 year old wanted to talk to ME?!" We chatted back and forth for a bit about music (I'm pretty sure I went through some awful Three Doors Down and Creed phase.) I was really excited to have made a friend. He told me he went to high school at the rival school where all the rich kids happened to go. Everyone in town wished they could go there. The beautiful, popular people all went there.
I was a lonely kid trying to belong, and I was completely and mercilessly swept away by the situation. I remember falling asleep that night imagining the possibilities for a whirlwind romance. What was he like? What did he look like? (All I had was a vague description I was given. Ahhh, the times before digital cameras were readily available.) Maybe he was a good singer! Maybe he was in a band! I projected everything I wanted onto this entity that wasn't tangible at all.
Everyday for months, I would sign on after school and IM Mario (Ugh, that name.) He always seemed super interested in what I had to say. When my parents where being difficult he'd comfort me and find ways to relate. My dad had started to become pretty ill around this time and my mom's focus was entirely on him. He had just been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure so she was learning the ropes of how to be a good support to him and help him care for his illnesses. I pretty much became invisible to them and at first I really liked it that way. Initially, they had the computer in the living room and I was only allowed an hour of monitored usage a day. But as my dad became sicker, and I became less of a focus, my mom moved it into my room so my clicking and typing noises wouldn't bother dad. I'd sign on for an hour during the day but when my parents went to sleep at 10pm I'd throw a blanket over the computer screen and sign on. I'd put pillows around the modem so it wouldn't be as loud and I'd put a towel under the door crack so in case my blanket slipped off or it was too hot to use it they couldn't see the light from the monitor. Often I'd only get a couple of hours of sleep because I'd stay up all night in chat rooms. Eventually I found a MUD and sleep came even less.
But my parents weren't making note of me or what I was doing at all. They didn't notice how tired I always looked. They didn't notice my declining grades. I went from being an honor roll student to failing math, but they didn't flinch. The freedom and lack of attention I initially enjoyed got old pretty quickly. After my parent's forgot my 12th birthday because they'd been at the VA hospital all day I was devastated and convinced they didn't love me or want me anymore. I was a kid who'd been abandoned twice before I ended up with that set of parents so I was terrified that they'd make me leave as the others had. I confided in Mario about my loneliness and my past in orphanages and foster care. By doing this I unknowingly gave him his shot. The night of my 12th birthday Mario told me he'd always love me, not like my parents.
"You should come live with me."
Still convinced my parents would get rid of me soon, and desperate for love, I agreed. In the middle of the night I packed a backpack full of my favorite clothes and CDs. The next day, I would run away with YooMC. A man who wasn't what he said he was at all.
(I'd love to continue but I'm exhausted from an 11 hour work day. Will post 2nd part soon!)