The other day I overheard a conversation where I believed wrongly that they were referring to me as a 'liar' - I reacted immediately with stopping what I was doing and listening attentively to what they were saying. With walking this reaction in my DIP Pro assignment with the help of my buddy in our weekly chat it came out that ultimately this was linked to me wanting others to see me as truthful, and this was because I am not completely self-honest, but so long as everyone sees me as 'honest' and 'a good person' I can continue to live this way - self-dishonestly, and not have to change.
At this point I saw how I am writing blogs and so on but not really walking self forgiveness for myself. Another point I saw is that I am not being serious with my studies, not walking them effectively. So I have to start walking for real, forgiving myself for real and dealing with my studies effectively.
Now, I can react to what I know now and throw a tantrum because of how I am walking is not effective, it is empty in a way, but instead of doing that I see it is best that I simply learn from my mistake and change it, so I walk effectively from now on in all areas of my life.
So you can say I did the whole 'fake it till you make it' where I inadvertedly I have 'faked it' by not walking 'full on' but eventually I will make it because I have realized my mistake and won't stop walking until I make it.
I am grateful to my DIP Pro buddy Kim K for helping me out in realising this point.
SELF FORGIVENESS
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live self forgiveness for real, to not apply self forgiveness, to not forgive myself for real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I write a blog daily I am already 'on path' not seeing, realizing and understanding the obvious of practical living, where I have to be effective in my live and forgive myself for real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point that I have not been walking for real, instead of stopping and changing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see me as truthful, so as long a they see me as truthful I don't have to be self-honest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put importance in how others see me instead of valuing my self-honesty/using self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk my process for myself but intead 'do it for the blog', do it for the outward appearance.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk my studies effectively.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to assess my process self-honestly and see what I have to change, but simply work to have a nice 'facade' - so as long as others believe I am truthful I don't have to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what others percieve of me.
MY COMMITMENTS
I commit myself to asses myself in self-honesty, to see where I need to change and apply myself more, and disregard what others percieve/think of me.
I commit myself to remind myself that ultimately it is self-honesty what I have to live and apply, and what I know of myself is the truth, no matter what others believe of me.
I commit myself to, now that I realied I was not being self honest, to keep walking in self honesty, assessing every day if I am walking effectively or not.
I originally wrote this post here:
https://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com.es/2018/03/day-68-pushing-right-buttons-for-change.html