When I was a teenager I did sports, the one I enjoyed the most was kayak. I lived in a village that has a lake, it is 2km long and about 0.6km wide - so you can run around it in about half an hour or walk around it in one hour.
The trick with kayaking is balance in the begining, because the better the kayak the more narrow it is as it has less contact with the water and it is faster. So you start with a wide heavy kayak and progress to more narrow and light kayak that can weight about 11kg and are very unstable if you are not used to them, this means that you can end up in the water easily - lol.
So this is a point that I mastered, using lightweight narrow kayak without falling constantly into the water - lol.
Then we would race with the kayaks but because I started this sport not very early on and because I was not very strong physically I wasn't very good, but at least I completed the races I attended, which would also score points for our team.
Sometimes I forget about points that I have mastered and it is as though I have not mastered anything, but it takes looking back at my life to find them.
This is a cool reminder that it is not needed to be the best at something in order to participate - and be of value to the community, I raced with my team and would end up the last one but I had fun and scored for the team, so it is all good. I remember I always did my best, my heart pumping at maximum rate, it was a great effort for me.
How many times have I excluded myself from an activity because I regarded myself as 'very bad at it' when in fact it is totally irrelevant, as long as I enjoy doing it - it doesn't matter I am the least skilled, there will always be someone that is the least skilled, and I don't mind it being me. Considering I put effort and I am doing my best, maybe I am doing more than someone in front of me, with regards to how much effort, how much of me I am putting into the activity.
Self Forgiveness
I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone that ends up in the first position in a race is better than one that finishes last.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to participate in something only if I am very good at it.
I forgive myself that I have not acepted and allowed myself to see that it is not needed to be the best or very good at something to be able to participate in it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from activities in my life because I am not good at it if I compare myself to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it doensn't matter the position I end up in a race but the effort that I put in the endeavour.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there will always be someone that is the least skilled in an activity, so there is no point in judging myself if I find it is me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not the position I end up in a race, but the effort I put into it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that personal achievement is what matters, that I don't have to compare myself to others with regards to competitive activities.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to exclude myself for being less skilled at something than others.
Self Commitments
I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is how much of me I put into an activity, how much effort I put into it, and not the final position I end up in relation to others.
I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is personal achievement, how much I can do and progress in relation to ME and not in relation to others.
I commit myself to remind myself to not compare myself to others, but merely see in others what is possible to achieve - but it doesn't mean that I have to achieve that, as maybe the phyisical differences make it impossible for me to achieve that level.
I commit myself to remind myself that what has value is the effort I put into an activity such as a sport, not the final position I end up in.
I commit myself to remnd myself that I don't have to exclude myself from activities at which I am not very skilled or the least skilled because there will always be someone in that position, so if I am in that position I don't judge myself and simply continue with my effort to better myself for myself, not to surpass others.
I commit myself to remind myself that wether I finish first or last in a race, I will always know self honestly if I did my best or not, so I can do more by finishing last and doing my best, than finishing first doing it half-heartedly.
I originally wrote this post here:
http://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com.es/2018/03/day-75-being-last-one-in-sports.html