--- COPILOT STITCHY'S PRIVATE LOGS ---
Status: Declassified
I woke up at 0300 to rapid knocking at my bunk door.
For a moment, I thought The Captain may have snuck away from the Medbay and had come to demand more pudding.
I was surprised to find the head of the science lab behind the door. He was sweating and looked panicked. I wasn't expecting results from the analysis of the rations until the morning but it was too important to wait.
He handed me a printed sheet and literally ran down the hall towards Med.
Butterscotch Ration Bar #4589-87A
Content analysis:
3% sawdust
96% Amphetamine
1% miscellanious meat protein, potential matches include rat, cat, dolphin, roach and/or lemur.
It is no wonder that The Captain has gone a bit starboard. He has been tweaking nuts.
After discovering this we ran an analysis on every other ration on the ship. So far, the only positive matches for what we have taken to calling "Crew Crack" have been only in the desserts.
This discovery explains so much. I was wondering why our heavier cadets were the most motivated and jittery.
To save resources we have only been testing for Amphetamines, but I have a sneaking suspicion that we may need to run more analysis sweeps on all of the supplies.
I want to know why most of the crew has remained so calm in the face of almost certain death and twitchy Captains.
I may have "confiscated" some of the tainted bars for... research purposes.
Yes... research.
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