I was obsessed with Christianity as a child. So much so that I would spend my UK Summer holidays at Christian camps where I would meet other Christian children and later in life I chose Religious Studies as one of my three A Levels at school in order that I could read the Gospels extensively and examine their origins.
Ironically it was this obsession which led to my eventual departure from any kind of attachment to religion.
Today I see myself as a spiritual person, not a religious one.
But I cannot deny my roots.
The Value of a Christian Childhood
Despite having a Jewish father, whose hand you can see me holding in the above picture, I am deeply grateful for the efforts of my mother in guiding me towards Christianity at a young age.
I remember her teaching me how to pray, in part because I felt saddened by the death of a number of friends & family and she told me this was a way I could connect with them. She taught me to express my gratitude through prayers and to ask for help when I needed it.
I learned in this period the importance of having love and respect for all other humans and to treat others as I would like to be treated.
My mother would take my sisters & I to church every Sunday where we would hear amazing stories about God & Jesus and very quickly I understood there was something greater than a simple human.
There was a power capable of changing the course of a person's life through wondrous gifts or terrible suffering. I learned to respect this power and yearned to understand it better.
My mother observed this growing attachment to Christianity and proclaimed to many it appeared as if I would be taking a religious career in life. An idea which started to grow in me like a seed.
The Christian Camp Experience
They were designed in such a way that we could further our education in any direction we chose through a selection of available teachers whilst interacting with other children, praying & singing with them regularly.
I saw something at one of these camps which I have barely spoken about since then.
A friend of mine appeared to have what can only be described as an epileptic fit during an intense praying session and instead of calling for a doctor, the leaders of the group crowded round him and started what I understand now to be an exorcism. They prayed in loud, powerful voices demanding that the evil spirit leave his body. And in time they appeared to be successful in their efforts for he became instantly calm and tranquil, smiling at everyone like nothing had happened. I spoke to him after the event but he could tell me nothing, unable to remember any part of it.
For years this event served as proof in my mind that I was on the right track.
What was it that changed me?
After starting prep school aged 13, I joined the choir and became good friends with Rev Mulliner, a man of the cloth who taught religious studies and gave the sermon each week. Like my mother, he saw my enthusiasm and selected me regularly to read the lesson.
I took this role very seriously and would practice reading from the huge Bible on the golden lectern at night to rows of empty pews until I felt confident speaking publicly.
Reading little pieces of a big story always made me want to read more, so I chose at the age of 16 to study the Gospels as one of my three selected A Levels.
Two years of study
I learned in this period about the history of Christianity and looked specifically at the sources of the books Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, commonly known as The Gospels.
It became apparent that despite giving the appearance of being written by the people whose names were attached to them, the stories I loved so much were in fact written by multiple sources and often handed down by word of mouth for many years before being written down. Like a giant game of Chinese whispers.
Further to this, there were various different powerful forces at work over the years which sought to protect us by omitting certain details or changing them to better fit their own ideas.
This is not the same as a TRUE STORY.
Whilst the foundation of it may still be there, the details are questionable.
There has been a huge amount of killing over the years in the name of God due to the different perspectives of how the story should be told. We all know the old adage 'it is the victors who write the history books' and the Bible is no different.
It became a control mechanism which divided us into groups, some of whom are still fighting against each other today.
Most importantly, it granted these groups POWER & WEALTH, putting their morality to the test.
Making the words of Timothy (which inspired this post) slightly ironic.
1 Timothy 6:8-10.
These people were only human and the desire for great power & wealth is one of the most difficult addictions to cure.
I was 18 years old when I came across the works of Karl Marx and I instantly resonated with his words.
"Religion is... the opium of the people"
Karl Marx
I felt completely disillusioned.
Like the moment I found out Father Christmas wasn't real, it was a blow to my core.
What do I believe now?
I believe there is a man called Jesus who did amazing things to help his fellow men.
He taught a beautiful message of love and was so pure in thought he was able to do things others could not. I feel this to be truth. My life experience has confirmed it.
But I also believe an important part of his message has been lost over the years through the endless writing and re-writing of the Bible.
We are taught that Jesus was a man. Yet we are also taught he was the Son of God. Like a God manifested in a human body.
As a child I wanted to be Jesus.
But I grew to understand this was not achievable, for my father may have been a business tycoon but he was still just an ordinary man.
There was a kind of separation created between myself and the 'God' family.
A separation I no longer feel.
Through the study and practice of the Law of Attraction I have learned what the human mind is capable of achieving with thought alone.
Through the study and practice of Reiki I have learned about the Chakra points and how powerful humans can be when focused on the healing of another.
Through the study of other religions & groups I have learned that there are MANY people who have achieved abilities beyond that of the average person, known now as Ascended Masters because their story ends with them becoming non physical.
MEDITATION: The Common Factor
I noticed that mediation was the one thing almost all these Ascended Masters had in common. And very often their epiphany & resulting 'supernatural' skills were the result of a long period of undisturbed mediation.
Jesus was said to have spent 40 days and 40 nights in the wilderness after which he was a changed man. Just as Buddha is said to have sat under a tree for 7 days to attain his enlightenment.
In Conclusion
I no longer see these Ascended Masters as being anything other than humans who had different life experiences to my own.
And this thing which we call God is not out there somewhere in the heavens but within each and every one of us.
We are ALL gods manifested in human bodies!
Each of us walks our own path yet we all have the ability to connect with Source Energy and if we choose, to be remembered as someone who dedicated their life to helping others.
If you are Christian please do not be offended by my words. This is simply my interpretation of the life events I have lived and if I were to study the Gospels again today with these more experienced eyes of mine, no doubt I would see them in a completely different light.
My understanding of this subject is not fixed in time, but constantly shifting and evolving as I grow.
And I am very grateful for my Christian childhood, without which I simply wouldn't be me.
Blessings to you all from Bali š“
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