There, I said it. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules ruined my life...and I am so grateful.
You see, a few months ago my daily life felt like utter chaos.
No, I wasn’t a homeless drug addict. But aside from my stable marriage tethering me to the earth, I allowed my entrepreneurial lifestyle to mean that I had no order or structure in my day to day life.
And so I was super depressed. Even though I had so much to be happy about, I was literally having several crying spells a day for a few months.
Sure, winter probably had something to do with that. But a lack of any sort of routine meant that my calendar looked like this mess:
And so I was anxious on top of being depressed.
Lack of structure/routine also meant that I stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning reading (I couldn’t sleep anyway because my circadian rhythms were so off) and slept until noon or so unless there was a dog over (I’m a pet sitter). Then I would get up at 6am to take care of a puppy. Before I even took care of myself.
It was too snowy/cold outside for me to exercise back then and so I did at home exercise videos...because I had to follow rule number 2: and treat myself like I am someone worth helping.
I exercised faithfully at home...until I stepped on the puppy I was taking care of.
Luckily, Tomato (the puppy, I did not name her) was fine. But I wasn’t. I stopped exercising for fear of crushing someone else’s dog.
A few weeks went by. The crying spells continued. I knew I had to exercise like my life depended on it, because it did.
So I had to stop pet sitting for the puppy, even though I loved her.
I had to follow Peterson’s 7th rule:
Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expected.
I have several businesses, but they are ALL seasonal. So I listened to Jordan Peterson’s advice for people who are seriously depressed and I gave myself a reason to get up in the morning...
I got a job. I still kept my businesses, but I worked part time from home for my cousin in law’s business.
Honestly, at first I didn’t mind the job. It gave me predictable source of income, a feeling of contribution, and more importantly it gave me a routine. I was sleeping at night and getting up around the same time everyday. I was eating breakfast! I had a different day to day life.
My depression lifted for a little while.
I didn’t let pride or ego get in the way. I felt pretty good because I only compared myself with who I was yesterday, not who someone else is today. (That’s the 4th rule by the way).
But then my work role changed. I felt like a spammer and a fraud. The money didn’t matter. I hated what I was doing.
So I had to follow Peterson’s 8th rule and Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie.
The job dissolved on its own when my cousin in law told me I wasn’t cut out for the recruiting industry. I thanked him for the compliment and moved on with my head high and shoulders back.
Peterson’s first rule is to stand up straight with your shoulders held back.
This is because your brain chemistry ACTUALLY CHANGES with your posture. It affects your mood, your status and how others treat you. Posture is EVERYTHING!
People who are depressed have slumped over shoulders. Bullies know who to pick on by their posture. People will avoid you or flock to based on your posture.
Even though months have passed and my businesses have all picked up again, I’m still looking for a part-time job I can do from home because 1) winter is coming, 2) I love making money and I like the finer things in life and 3) being forced to have a daily routine really helped me feel human again.
Being human meant socializing. Which brings me to the third rule:
Make Friends With People Who Wants the Best For You
This is the one thing I’ve been really good at since I re-parented myself in my early twenties. I had to learn that it’s not my job to take care of everyone else or be an unpaid therapist just because I’m a good listener.
And if I wouldn’t trade places with the person giving advice, I certainly won’t listen to them.
I’ve definitely had to trim the fat when it comes to letting go of people who stop me from growing.
That doesn’t mean you need to have a big dramatic “breakup” with friends or family who are stagnant/not on the same wavelenght as you, but it does mean that you need to see who is adding to your life and who is only taking value from it, and adjust your life accordingly.
You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so if you want to elevate yourself, look at what your friends are doing with their lives.
Speaking of other people, Peterson says you need to set your house in perfect order before you criticise the world.
So in order to be happy, stop judging people! Even if judging them feels good for a split second.
On that note, don’t let your children do anything that will make you dislike them. Because other people who are not related to your child will punish him or her (or hen, if you swing that way) for you.
Speaking of parenting, don't be the helicopter parent. Don't bother children when they are skateboarding because taking risks helps them to feel and BE capable in the world. I’m not a parent so I will let those two rules simmer with you.
Peterson says you need to be precise in your speech. This is really hard to do with your face glued to your cell phone. So be more present in your interactions. Say what you mean, exactly.
Lastly, pet a cat when you seen one on the street. Don't assume everything is dangerous!
I hope you've enjoyed these rules in story form. I'm off to pet my neighbor's cat.
PS. Check out Jordan Peterson's Book