Hangzhou, China - Steemstreet Journal's international team in Hangzhou caught up with local man Hattori Haejin Hanzo, a technical analyst and cryptocurrency trader who, instead of making bank with successful trades in the crypto market, has settled at the social media/blogging site steemit.com where he posts trading advice approximately 720 times a day, averaging a post every two minutes.
Our team was eager to interview Mr. Hanzo about his strategies.
"It really comes down to two equally beautiful factors. Neither of which require any talent. The never before seen crypto bull market made everybody holding anything rich, and that made it possible for anyone daring enough to claim they made profits purely based on skill, to do so. Then you take that shameless daring into Steemit, shitpost every two minutes, and the sheep will believe anything you tell them."
When asked about actual trading advice, Mr. Hanzo showed his unquestionable expertise in crypto by presenting unprecedented and unorthodox methods, to say the least.
"I will show you my methods. Here is my analysis of the upcoming week in crypto:"
"Centers of surface high- and low-pressure areas that are found within closed isobars on a surface weather analysis are the absolute maxima and minima in the pressure field and can tell a user in a glance what the general weather is in their vicinity. This is very important to understand to understand my methods of trading. As you can clearly see, the seven day moving average of anticyclones rotate outward at the surface and clockwise in the northern hemisphere as opposed to outward and counterclockwise in the southern hemisphere. The last we saw such Accelerated Depreciation of the East Wind was around 1967 when the Accounting Rate of Return was so massive it allowed for hippies all over America to quit their jobs and fund Woodstock. And over at the west we can study the temperature's autoregressive conditional heteroskedasticity and come to the obvious - at least to professionals such as myself - conclusion that an undead dog zombie bull bounce is apparent at least in the Dogecoin market."
Steemstreet Journal was eager to learn about the profits made with these unconventional methods.
"Oh, $0. I just shitpost on Steemit."
Steemstreet Journal will provide updates as the story develops.
Considering I don't particularly care anymore I'm not afraid of the flags, so let's see them. :) An acquintance of mine told me the other day that "You're biggest problem in life is that you can't even pretend to be humble and shut up even when it would benefit you". And, uhh, yeah.