We all know the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well, that's exactly what I plan to do.
No longer a Youth Worker
As of last week I am no longer a youth worker. I was working in a juvenile detention prison managing young people in their day-to-day routine. I enjoyed the role but the environment sucked, if you can imagine working in a prison for children.
I have had my license to work with children suspended because of pending criminal charges(drug use related). Don't worry, I wasn't working at the time that police raided my home.
You may be a little confused after reading that last part. Let me explain. I haven't worked in my role as a Youth Worker since April last year, and in that time I had gone through a serious episode of depression.
I was told in November 2014 by my General Practitioner that I have Pectus Excavatum; a condition where my chest wall is caved in and pushes on my lungs and heart. Because of my rough upbringing I never got it looked at. I was taught at a young age that, "only pussies go to the doctor", which is completely idiotic. So since then I've been on a waiting list to get it fixed. When I told work, they put me on leave without pay even though my doctor said I could do suitable duties.
After being told I couldn't work, I isolated myself from everyone and everything.
Drug habits suck
I fell back into old habits, but this time it was worse.
I've always enjoyed pulling the occasional bong here and there. I've dabbled in other substances but nothing hardcore. That was until I started looking at darkweb markets.
I had access to everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Every week I was getting more, taking more, and isolating myself from the world even more. I wasn't using needles but I'm sure if the police hadn't raided my house and taken my stash that by now I probably would have been.
I didn't care at the time. My depression had sunk it's teeth so far deep that I was willing to write myself off with a good high.
My favorite substance was cocaine, obviously. That sweet sugar had me hooked from the first moment I touched it. Being that I had only really smoked pot and popped a couple pills in my life time prior, I felt like I had entered a whole other level of connoisseur. I was exposed to other substances that I would rather not admit(funny how cocaine is somewhat socially acceptable whereas other A-class substances are not).
It was in October, six months after my newly found addictions began, that the police entered my home and took everything. To this day I'm still unsure as to why they were there but I'm pretty sure I can guess why; some other dickhead I was hanging with led them there. What made the whole situation worse was that I had moved back in to my mothers place in preparation for surgery, as I'd need her to look after me while I'm bed ridden and recovering.
My mother had no knowledge of my drug use, because as every drug user knows, we can be pretty good at hiding our habits. You can probably guess how she reacted when she found out from the police what they had found while conducting their searches; utter devastation. I won't ever forget it.
It's sad to admit it, but the whole ordeal was a learning curve and a gigantic wake up call as to how much of my life I've wasted when it comes to drugs, and a wake up call to how far I'd let myself go this time.
A year later & a year clean
I went cold turkey after that day. Everything, even the sweet Mary Jane. Unfortunately though my rehabilitation hasn't been enough to keep my job. I'm in the process of appealing the decision of my suspended license but for now there's no telling what will happen next.
Fortunately I've been busy in the year I've been off work. Staying busy keeps me from relapsing. I've been writing a lot more music and I've taught myself a lot of new trades such as motor mechanics(I'm restoring a 1987 BMW E30 at the moment) & foreign exchange trading. I'm also in the process of starting my own recording company.
I spend the rest of my time thinking about who I am and where I'm going. One could say I'm self-obsessed, they would be somewhat right. I would rather they called it self-critiquing, because that's more-so what it is.
I don't want myself falling into old habits. I can't. Instead I make sure that I remember the dark place I was in last year and the series of unfortunate events that have followed. It's these shitty memories that now motivate me to create something of myself, something that's worth gloating about.
The road ahead
Despite how shitty everything I just mentioned sounds, I feel good. I know what I need to do next and where I want to go. I knew that I may be losing my job because of my dumb decisions and so I set up contingencies to fall back on. I'm set for success now.
I feel as if what I went through was meant to happen, as if it were fate. For example, if in twenty years I were a music producer with a bucket load of money and a bunch of bad habits, I highly doubt my business would thrive for very long. At least that's how my conscience likes to justify it. Deep down there's a part of me that wishes he could go back in time and stop himself from being an idiot, but then again, there's that part in all of us. The best thing to do is move on.
That's exactly what I plan to do; moving on. I've been given a new lease on life. Steemit, yes Steemit, has helped me with that. I was lucky I found Steemit in this time of struggle because it's reminded me of my potential. Every time I go to post on here I'm reminded of the motivation it takes to become successful, which inspires me further. Steemit has helped me become more free.
I have a lot of work to do from now on. If you follow me and you've noticed that my posting has become less frequent, well, now you know why that is. As I said, keeping busy keeps me from relapsing and falling into a state of isolation. I'm going to keep going until I'm completely free from the chains that bind me, until I have given back all that I've taken and then some. The road ahead will be tough, tougher than ever before, but I'm determined to succeed and see it through.
Nothing will stop me.