All parents raise their children to the best of their ability and understanding of life and rarely think about why in certain situations they do this and not otherwise. However, every mother in her life has moments when the behavior of her beloved child is perplexing. And maybe adults themselves, using radical methods of upbringing, are doing something that is why it is later embarrassing.
You are not alone in your mistakes; all parents make them from time to time. But it is always better to learn from the mistakes of others, is not it?
First mistake - the promise not to love anymore
“If you don’t be the way I want, I won’t love you anymore”
Parents' opinion:
Why do children argue so often about any of our requests? Maybe they make us in spite of how to be? Call for common sense? Yes, they just don’t hear what adults tell them. Threaten? This is no longer valid. In such cases, many use a kind of trump card: "Now mommy will no longer love you." How often many of us pronounce this phrase.
The opinion of psychologists:
The promise to no longer love your baby is one of the strongest means of education. However, this threat is usually not implemented. And the children feel great falsehood. Once deceived, you can for a long time lose the trust of the child - the baby will perceive you as lying people.
It is much better to say this: "I will still love you, but I do not approve of your behavior."
Mistake Two - Indifference
"Do what you want, I do not care"
Parents' opinion:
Why strain? Argue, look for arguments, prove something to the baby, get nervous? The child himself must learn to solve his problems. And in general, the child must be prepared for adulthood, let him soon become independent. And leave us alone.
The opinion of psychologists:
You never need to show the baby that you do not care what he does. The baby, having sensed your indifference, will immediately begin to check how "real" it is. And, most likely, the verification will consist in committing acts that were initially bad. The child is waiting for criticism to follow or not. In a word, a vicious circle. Therefore, it is better to try to establish friendly relations with the child instead of ostentatious indifference, even if his behavior does not suit you at all.
You can say, for example, this way: “You know, on this issue I completely disagree with you. But I want to help you because I love you. "Anytime you need it, you can ask me for advice."
Mistake Three - Too Much Severity
“You have to do what I told you because I’m in charge of the house”
Parents' opinion:
Children must obey their older ones unquestioningly - this is the most important principle in education. Discussions are not allowed here. It doesn’t matter how old the child is 6 or 16 years old. Children should not be given concessions, otherwise they will finally sit on our neck.
The opinion of psychologists:
Children must understand why and why they are doing something. Too strict education, based on principles that are not always clear to the child, resembles training. A child can implicitly fulfill everything when you are nearby, and “spit” on all prohibitions when you are not nearby. Belief is better than rigor. If necessary, you can say this: "You are doing as I say now, and in the evening we will calmly discuss everything - why and why."
Fourth mistake - children need to be pampered
“Perhaps I will do it myself. My baby can’t do it yet ”
Parents' opinion:
We are ready to do everything for our baby, because children should always get the best. Childhood is such a short time, so it should be wonderful. Morals, failures, dissatisfaction - in our power to save kids from all difficulties and troubles. It is so nice to guess and fulfill any desire of a child.
The opinion of psychologists:
Spoiled children have a very hard time in life. You can not keep the only child under the hood of parental love, in the future this can lead to many problems. Believe me, when parents literally remove every pebble from the baby’s road, this does not make the child feel happier. Rather, on the contrary, he feels completely helpless and lonely. “Try to do it yourself, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be happy to help you,” is one of the options for wisely treating your daughter or son.
The fifth mistake — imposed role
"My child is my best friend"
The opinion of the parents:
The child is the main thing in our life, he is so smart, he can talk about everything. He understands us, just like a real adult.
The view of psychologists:
Children are ready to do everything to please my parents, because dad and mom for them the most important people in the world. Kids are even willing to dive into the complex world of adult challenges, instead of discussing their interests with their peers. But their own problems remain unresolved.
The sixth mistake — money
"More money, better education"
The opinion of the parents:
We're too low on money, so I can't even afford to indulge the child, constantly having him in all things to refuse, he wears old clothes, etc. in short, if we had more money we would be better parents.
The view of psychologists:
Love can't buy money — sounds pretty corny, but it is. It often happens that in families with a low income adults are doing to children they may need. But you should not feel remorse for what you can't fulfill all his desires. Actually love, affection, playing together and held together leisure for the baby is much more important than the contents of your wallet. And, if you look, it is not money that make a child happy, and the realization that he is to you the MOST.
Mistake the seventh — Napoleonic plans
"My child will be a musician (tennis, painting), I will not allow him to miss your chance"
The opinion of the parents:
Many adults dreamed of as a child studying ballet, learning to play the piano or to play tennis, but they didn't have that opportunity. And now the main purpose of fathers and mothers to give children the best education. It doesn't matter if the kids don't really want, time will pass and they will appreciate the efforts adults.
The view of psychologists:
Unfortunately, children do not always appreciate the efforts of parents. And often bright future painted by the adults in your mind, is divided about the complete unwillingness of the child to engage in, say, music. While the baby is still little and listen to adults, but then... wanting to escape from the cage of parental love, begins to protest possible means, it could be taking drugs, and just the passion of heavy rock in the night hours. Therefore, the filling of necessary and useful activities, don't forget to leave him some time for personal Affairs.
Error of the eighth — too little affection
"The kiss and other tenderness is not so important for a child"
The opinion of the parents:
To caress the younger sister? What nonsense! To kiss my mother? To cuddle with daddy? Yes, there's no time. Many adults believe that affection in childhood can lead to further problems in sexual orientation. In short, no hugs and kisses — there is more necessary and serious things.
The view of psychologists:
Children of any age eager to affection, it helps them to feel loved and gives confidence in their abilities. But remember, the desire to snuggle up should still in most cases come from the child. Do not force children love actively — this can push them away.
Error ninth your mood
"Possible or not? It depends on my mood"
The opinion of the parents:
Problems at work, poor family relationships as adults often "let off steam" on the child. Many believe that there is nothing to worry. It is sufficient then to invite the kid and buy a long-promised toy, and everything will be fine.
The view of psychologists:
Parents should show the child that they are pleased with his good deeds and upset bad. This creates in children a consciousness in the firmness values. When adults for the sake of their selfishness and allow mood today something and tomorrow it forbid, a child can understand only one thing: still, what I do is important, what is mom's mood. However, if you feel that yourself do not change, it is better to agree in advance with your child: "now, when I have good mood, you will not be allowed to do whatever you want. And if it's bad — just try to bear with me".
The tenth error — too little time for child rearing
"Unfortunately, I have no time for you"
The opinion of the parents:
Many adults are very busy at work, but every free minute I try to spend with children: they place them in the garden and to school, cook for them, wash, buy what they need. Children should understand that parents simply do not have time to play and read with them.
The view of psychologists:
Adults often forget a simple truth — if we had a child, but it was time for him to find. The kid who constantly hears that in adults no time to be searching among strangers, kindred spirits. Even if your day is painted on minutes, find half an hour in the evening (in this issue quality over quantity) to sit at the crib of the baby, talk to him, tell a story or read a book. Crumbs necessary.