Over two months ago I decided to end my relationship with Poloniex. I decided to have fun with the breakup by writing this ridiculous breakup letter and actually sending it to Poloniex's Customer Support:
Here's the plain text:
Hey Poloniex, we need to talk.
I'm not even sure where to begin. I've been thinking about you, about us, a lot lately. You might be surprised to hear this. You might be thinking, "but things were so good in the beginning." Back then even I thought that I would never find another exchange as perfect for me as you once were. I'm sorry. Things change. You've changed.
Sometimes I think you take me for granted. I try to do things with you and you freeze up. I try to talk to you about our issues and you don't respond. You take so much that I value and make it so hard for me to get anything in return. What's worse, you always seem to put us on a time out at what could be the biggest moments between us.
You do what you want to do and never consider my needs or my feelings.
I know I can't expect any relationship to be perfect, but you've hurt me too much and too often. So many of my friends warned me about you, but I was determined to stay committed to my exchange. There were so many red flags that I ignored.
I've given you plenty of chances to improve yourself. I know I'm not the first person to talk to you about our issues. You've been given more than enough time to change. Now I'm certain that we can never be happy together. We've become too incompatible.
You were my first exchange. I know I'll never forget my first time. If it weren't for you I may never have traded my STEEM for Bitcoin. I want you to know how much that means to me. You were there for me when I was young, inexperienced and confused. But now it's time for me to move on.
It's over.
Now it's time I tell you... I've met someone. I'm taking my business elsewhere.
I don't think we'll ever interact again.
Love, Seth.
I'm amused to see that Poloniex responded in kind:
Here's the plain text:
I just included the fun part down here. The rest is boilerplate business talk.
I am so sad to read this, I thought that we were really good together. I guess everyone needs their own space and we have to respect that. All we can do is wish you well and hope that one day you can forgive us and maybe return to having that special relationship that was once so cherished. :(
Kudos Poloniex. Thanks for being a good sport and playing along! Too bad your late response only reinforces me in my reasons for leaving in the first place. I likely won't be going back to them, but I liked this reply a lot.
Nevertheless, I decided to have some fun with them again
Here's the plain text:
No need to close the account.
I want to leave things open between us. Maybe I'm not completely over you. Maybe we can hook up again some time in the future.