Welcome to my reality shifting diary! Karma, curses, destiny, and fate—they aren't as permanent as I once thought they were. So much has happened in this past week, that it'd be almost unfair not to tell the story. Where was "I" last? Contemplating suicide, and realizing that I can't return to a specific reality?
Thankfully, the Shello writing this today has been on a major quest, and almost can't believe that this other version of me ever existed. In the multiverse, there are an infinite number of me's and you's in a continuous flux. For anyone concerned, I got this. Thank you for all of your support and love on the quest of reaching my ideal timeline. Don't worry, from my perspective things are looking up.
In This Post:
- Memories and physical places were altered
- Timeline glimpsing and intuition
- Fate isn't final—the reverse love story
- Slipping into different auras, and emotions
- The importance of creating a reality that supports your new timeline
Places Moving and Appearing From Nowhere
I was getting out of B's car on Sunday, we had a fun dinner planned. What caught me out though, was that we both were walking in different directions. We looked at each other as though the other had lost their mind. B asked me where I was going, and I said "isn't [REDACTED] this way? You said it was below [REDACTED]." She looked confused and said [REDACTED] was this way, pointing in a different direction than I was walking.
The restaurant we were going to was located right below one of my favorite karaoke places of all-time. The place where I had been to numerous times in the past few years, was never where I clearly remembered it being. In it's place was a place that was still a well-known karaoke bar but another one I was sure was also somewhere else. I was very hesitant about this. You see, I'm very particular about singing and where (for song selection)—I was 100% sure that she was mistaken, and she was certain that I had it wrong.
I was already feeling disoriented and decided that since she's already been to this restaurant before, then she should know where it is. I panicked when we got close... There was an entire mall area (a block in size) that I've never seen before. What made it weirder is that as everyone arrived—I was the only person that's never been there before. It's been there for the past 2/3 years, and I'm the one that lives closest to it. I threw my guard up instantly.
Glimpses of the Future
It was supposed to be a small dinner between me, B, C, and our other friends that recently took an interest in my life—J and Z. The first indicator that something was up was that J and Z both each asked to bring an additional person along. They probably didn't want to look awkward to me. What was interesting was that even though there was 7 of us, I'm also the only person that knew everyone off the bat.
Everyone had felt extra strange to me the whole day leading up to this dinner—so prior to dinner, I asked B to be on watch out for various things. That morning, J had asked me for coffee—then tricked me into lunch instead when I got there. Realistically he had no reason to attend the dinner as well, but these were our previous plans as a group and B had him honor it (his punishment for trying to snipe me for himself).
I had invited Z to come out, because even though we are close, we almost never see each other. They both brought a friend with them. Which was hilarious since I was feeling more out of place than everyone else there.
Best Dinner Conversations
I had mentioned to B that during lunch J and me got into a heated debate on the nature of reality—I say it's MWI (since I'm on this quest in the first place), he is certain that we all exist in a simulation. For kicks, B brought it up. Next thing you know we are talking about various theories and reincarnation. Everyone on the side I was on was talking about gender roles and labeling. It was the most intelligent dinner I've had the pleasure to attend.
B had to run early to pick her bf up from work and C left soon after. The remaining 4 of us were outside the restaurant for a while talking. I felt so much energy in the air that I started to low-key panic. But as soon as that happened B somehow decided to text me to walk over... Like she knew. As I said my goodbyes for the night, J spoke up that I need to play some League with him that night—and he would help me improve at the game. I got some serious déjà vu.
When the Universe Tests You
I could tell in the days leading up to our dinner that my reality was at a convergence point. Where any choice that I would make, would change the set of realities available to me next. I've said it before; I am after one specific timeline and would be willing to trade anything and anyone for it. I got home and canceled out playing games, to deny that reality. I was offered a different timeline; not the one where I play with K again but with J instead.
What I've realized is that if you are aiming to manifest a specific reality, the universe will send you other ones to check the validity of your conscious will to shift. I hardly go outside, and here are all these people and situations manifesting themselves. I was certain that accepting this game date would have messed up my timelines, but it wasn't this which was converging.
The Reverse Love Story
My reality was about to be shaken. Z is one of my best friends, but I used to like him a lot 4 years ago. We got along really well, but I was ultimately rejected. Of course we stayed friends, and hung out sometimes. Imagine me opening my phone the following morning to see a message from him. A confession of his feelings.
I literally stopped and asked myself what kind of timeline did I switch to? He was pretty clear before that he didn't see me in that way. But now, he was apologizing to me and wanting to see me that way. You can try to predict the future all you want, and something will still happen that you'd never expect. I had such strong feelings for him before. I considered it for a moment. We have similar interests and understand each other on a pretty deep level... He finally wanted to go out with me?
Here's the confirmation that anything can happen, even if it isn't your "current reality"—anything can easily become it. I couldn't breathe. I imagined that we would have a great relationship, as he's one of the kindest and most genuine people I know in real life. My heart started feeling pain.
A Love That Transcends Everything I Understand
That's when I realized how much I loved K. It would be the most unfair thing in the world to be in a relationship with Z, if my heart belongs to someone else. It's interesting that in the past year after I left the workplace that K and I were at (around the time I came to Steemit!), that I've already been in two relationships. Each time however, strange things began to happen—even if at surface level there were many other reasons for the breakups.
In both diaries where one of these relationships ended, Dairy #16 and Diary #18 his name is in there. There is no such thing as coincidence. I'm learning slowly that I've been in love with him, and my world won't let me forget him—regardless of the timeline I'm in.
Welcome to my story.
All of the negative memories have been melting away for a while. When I think of him now, I smile and feel warm and incredibly happy. He isn't physically next to me, but I feel that he's here. I've been inside of my old workplace 3 times this past week, and because of 3 different people (S, T, B) and reasons that aren't even linked to each other. One of my ex-coworkers asked me about him, and others bring his name comes up in conversations whenever I'm outside.
For reasons I can't post, he can't see anyone or be outside. Since he last appeared a week ago Diary #19, no one has heard from him at all. I did take the initiative to comment that I also missed him... publicly... for all to see. For me, that's a pretty big deal.
A Supporting Reality
In the past, I had pretended not to care about him. I would slander him at every chance, and do my best to make him feel like less of a person. I couldn't accept the feelings I had for K, because of that, I was often mean to him. Shit, no wonder he hated me. I've discerned that if I want a reality with him in it; my thoughts, words, and actions must be in support of it. I've informed our friends that I am for him and no one else. They already knew... before me.
I have no clue of what will happen next, but I have to have the courage for any situation that comes my way. I write in my real diary a lot, and it looks really positive. No matter what, I'm already grateful for how far I've come.
Where's the Strange World of Diary #19?
Since last time, and with the help of multiple people, we've been able to determine a few things. The first one that gets a unanimous answer from everyone asked is that versions of everyone is constantly changing. The Shello you see next won't be me, but will at the very least possess my memories and life. Everyday when you wake up, you're essentially a different you. Everytime you talk to someone, it's a different them. However I believe that there's also aware versions and a superconscious of each person that ties them all together.
"So hell, if you're gonna love someone—you're choosing all versions."
The me from #19 got crushed under her unawareness and sought death as the only way out. I hope that she's okay. I hope that by seeing everyone being happy, that she wanted to be a part of it too. Everyone from the almost perfect timeline changed back since then. I wish I knew why, but I'm glad to know these types of things are possible. I am gonna miss hyper aware T, but it would make more sense to have B on my side to... not further complicate things. S is still leaving for his trip next week, but B already has some plans in mind to occupy my time.
Man, what an adventure.
Thank you 
"And if there's love in this life, there's no obstacle that can't be defeated."—Avicii