A waste? Maybe. A regret? No.
I can't count more people who said, "You're living the dream!". I guess I was - then why didn't it feel like it?
Looking back at the pictures I took, I must say that I had some breathtaking views, sceneries and experiences. I learned a lot from my travels, but I also learned a lot from leaving.
To pursue my travel aspirations, I left 
January 4th, 2018
Hand in hand we walked. Towards the station where we'd take a train, which would bring us to Amsterdam Airport. I wasn't the one leaving - she was.
We had spend Christmas at my house back in Amsterdam. With my family back in Amsterdam. Christmas passed. So did New Years Eve. Time travelled fast and the days together were limited. Emotions started to boil up. A whole bunch of them.
I was supposed to be happy I was finally about to embark on my travels - I had about three weeks to collect all of my travel things and prepare for my six month trip to Asia and Oceania. She had to go back to Berlin. Holidays were over and she had to dissolve herself in chemistry things in lab.
I was traveling for six months, but I wouldn't see her for seven.
Seven months is a long time. Half a year, I mean, a month longer than that. Compared to a lifetime, its nothing. But compared to the time we spend together it was a long time.
We were walking slowly. Trying to deny the fact that this would be the last time we'd hold hands for a long time. Trying to deny the fact that I wasn't going to see, touch or feel her anytime soon. We were both staring in the distance, watching the station get closer to us - trying to ignore all the emotions. For months I've tried to numb down this war of feelings, but today I couldn't anymore. "I am already dying," I spoke. I looked at her, tears filled my eyes. I really did die there for a second. She held me.
We arrived at the airport. I walked up to the security gate. Kissed her. Kissed her again. Held hands. Let go. Held it again. Neither of us were ready. It was painful to see her. She told me to walk away and not look back. I did. Though I peeked a little as I walked away from her. She didn't look.
And gone she was. On the plane back to Berlin. The day after she arrived she had to move her stuff.. Our stuff, to her new studio a couple of tram stations away from our old apartment. Alone and without me.
Health Issues
As soon as I arrived in Thailand, I had a crazy ass jetlag. Just like everybody else would in a six-hour difference. Me and Anne spend the day, drank some beers and called it a night. Well, she called it a night. I laid awake. Yay for jetlags.
Two days later we emerged ourselves into the jungle. Jetlag and even more travel doesn't go together. My body protested and decided to be sick. Fever, sweating, looseys, stomach ache, headache. The whole thing.
I got better. I was fine. A month later we left Thailand to go to Malaysia. Guess what? Yes! Have a nice barfing trip with a stomach that feels like it's being squeezed together along with nausea. Let's feel like that and sit on a boat, wait for a train, sit in it for no idea how long.
Eversince then, my stomach kind of bailed on me. Eating without cramps? What is that? Solid stool? No idea what that feels like.
March 20th, 2018
I had been thinking about this decision a lot. But that day, I finally did it. I booked my flight back to Amsterdam, and additionally my flight to Berlin. I have to drop my backpack and stuff back at my maternal house and pack my other stuff for Berlin.
I think thoughts of cancelling a bunch of flights had been haunting my mind for a couple of weeks now. Should I or should I not? Will I regret it or not? I mean I am that close to actually going to Oceania.
Money Issues
Asia is the cheapest continent. After Asia, the plan was to go to New Zealand and Australia. And shit is expensive there. I had some financial drawbacks back at home and also didn't realise money would burn that fast. An extra 300 bucks from selling this, or doing an extra job there isn't going to make much of a difference when a simple breakfast is 20 bucks - the type of money I could live an entire day on in Asia.
Comparing at what I've spend and the country I was going to - it didn't look like it was going to happen.
Besides that, crypto has been shit. I got myself some neat backups in cryptocurrency in January, but as we all know we got fucked in the ass hard.
All these different variables: , money, health. I spoke to several people and made a final decision to cancel my flights to Oceania and go back home.
Home is where the heart is
I have had some amazing experiences here in Asia. I learned a lot about cultures, countries, backpacker life, food and what not. Sometimes you have to push yourself. But in the end it's your happiness what counts.
And I felt like I was happier back in Berlin than during my travels.
I had my occasional tantrums, breakdowns and personal wars. In the end I could only think about how I feel now compared to a couple of months ago with
I mean, I am not done traveling - oh no I am not. But for now, I am happily taking a holiday from my holiday.
Travel is amazing. It's a privilege, I agree. But that doesn't mean that everything is amazing. Also traveling has it's downsides. Read loneliness, tiredness (traveler fatigue is a thing!), missing out on home.
Just because you leave, doesn't mean that time stops where you left.
Maybe I am living the dream. But who's? People change. Dreams change. When you're gone for so long, a person learns a lot.
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My name is Shannon, I am a digital designer and I am currently on my world trip which I am exclusively blogging about on Steemit! :D There is not a specific goal to my trip other than to have fun, discover places and unravel the secrets of Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia and the USA (for now). Follow me on my adventures!