As I lay down on the lawn behind my house,
Different thoughts come to mind.
They come so fast
I do not even have much time to dwell on it all.
I saw my family in positions I wished they were in.
For me, the satisfaction and comfort of my family are always priorities.
It is sad, though.
I cannot seem to create a plan for myself.
I see myself with a scrub and a stet around my neck.
I still see myself standing for long hours to help a patient live longer.
But the hopes of becoming a healer
Is crushed with every passing day.
I could picture my kids and a loving husband.
Maybe three kids or four.
Quadruplets shouldn't hurt.
Could I have the perfect life that I see?
This took me back to the day of my wedding.
Someone would have to walk me down the aisle.
My father is no more.
No one can dare take his place.
In my head, the man I would marry always had his back turned to me.
A tall man with broad shoulders.
I can lean on them when I have a bad day.
But I just haven’t met him yet.
I remembered seeing something earlier.
A particular story of a couple stating how they met
It’s so sweet sometimes that it's annoying.
How do people find this beautiful love?
Oh well, I rarely get what I want.
I struggled to have what I have now.
And I still struggle to keep it.
Such that trying to strive for more seems so out of reach.
They say our deepest desires comes forth in our imaginations.
True, it may be.
I gave up on my daydreams long ago.
I am focused on my reality now.