I myself was born a Buddhist as it's still shown on my ID card but subconsciously becoming consciously I have not been in touched with my religious side for a long time now. The older I grow I get to experience life and get to know people from different places around the world and started to understand that sometime things are not the way they were told they were from what we have been told or taught as we were little.
The main purpose of many beliefs and religions were to encourage people to practice good deeds, avoid doing what harms other and to keep us at peace. I remembered my whole life I was told to donate to the poor, offer food to the monks and temples and be kind to everyone even to those who have hurt me so and so because at the end of the day the good deed or merits will come back to me in one form or another for example, my wishes will come true or I will be rich and successful in the future. It even went to some hidden meaning for things like if you offer a candle to a temple; it will light my way to heaven, the bigger the brighter the path will be or offering fresh and beautiful flowers you will be born pretty in your next life. Help those who are in need so one day when you are in need they will come back to help you.
That's pretty much people do good by expecting something better back in return but funny enough I believed it as a kid until I started growing up, it didn't make sense to me anymore. I'm pretty sure it was never been written as a teaching in past about these kind of practices but somehow it gets by with words until today. I believe in other religions they may have something similar as well, sadly many selfish people take an advantage of it for frame and money so end up some temples and churches are just getting richer and richer for no reason. Numbers of street beggars have become more and more because that's the easiest way to earn money and it is okay to beg.
Humans are curious and clueless about their future and so do I. I used to go around to famous fortunetellers in town, paid my money and sat their for a good hour or two for those people to tell me about my life starting from how it was and how it is now and what it will be in the future. I asked a lot about love as I was obsessed with relationships with boys just like any teenage girls. We do have a lot of fortunetellers who feed on people faith and curiosity. They often tell you that bad things will happen to you but you can avoid that from happening or at least subside the effects by donating certain amount of money or joining a certain ceremony to worship some gods which also has money involved. Yet people are willing to pay for themselves to be at ease and call that good deeds, which I find it's very contradicting altogether.
I didn't get a concept of Atheism or the teaching that were different from what I had been taught earlier in life. I used to pray every night for things I wanted but it didn't come true by my prayers alone. I used to pick my favorite goddess figure as my guardian and believed that she would watch over me and she would answer to all my prayers.
Little that I know, it was easy to please a little girl with simple wishes and her small achievements in life. Once all good things happened I gave all the credits to that guardian goddess of mine, nothing left for my own efforts or situations dictated. Slowly I've learned not all things can be done by just simple asking or praying. My guardian goddess didn't save my beloved puppy from dying or my past relationship when I believed he was all I ever wanted and I blamed her for that. I didn't understand and it was hard for me accepting the pain of losing.
Slowly I've come to my senses that the end of something or actually everything is a part of life. I was not born under the lucky star as I wished I was, I couldn't have everything I want in life. I couldn't be the only one who is always winning, until now I still find it hard to accept the pain of failure be it relationship or career or any basic things in life. Since then I stopped praying before going to bed and started to believe more in myself that I alone holds my future. I am not saying that believing is wrong but believe in yourself and work for it is the best chance of getting what you want. Take life as it comes, what will be will be and that it happens for a reason. Sometime it is okay to not understand certain things in life and that we have to learn to get over the past in order to move on. Accept what is here for you today and leave the rest to tomorrow.
Live life as you want as long as it doesn't harm or bother anyone around you and that includes your future self. Whatever good things that happen to you on each day take a credit for it and feel good about it. Stop blaming god for not giving what you want and do more of what makes you happy.
Cheers.
Annie xo