In graduate school, I was able to take a negotiation class taught by a former FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss, one of the Bureau's top negotiators. Although the class was a great hands-on course with plenty of example negotiations, Chris distilled a lot of his secrets into a book, 'Never Split the Difference', which I highly recommend. But, if you wanted to just get the highlights, I've listed some of his quick tips and concepts from my class notes below to help out any negotiators out there on Steemit.
"Empathy is defined as the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart and the vocalization of that recognition." - Chris Voss
To preface, the core of Chris' techniques was empathy - taking the time to understand and relate to the customer and/or terrorist and communicate that understanding. This focuses negotiations on a Win-Win scenario and the satisfaction of both parties. The ideas and concepts listed below are much more about information gathering and active listening than the adversarial nature of most negotiations. A large goal is to extract "asynchronous information" to best understand your counterpart.
"Empathy is defined as a demonstrating an understanding of the other side’s needs, interests and perspective, without necessarily agreeing." - Mnookin’s “The Tension between Empathy and Assertiveness”
Labels
A label is a a verbal observation or recognition. They help demonstrate comprehension and can be used to identify driving forces and dynamics in a negotiation. They can be used to to reinforce “positive” things - the things that work for you, or dissolve or reduce negative topics. Labels can be used early or late in a negotiation to different affect - either to draw out more information or reinforce points. Labels can be prepared prior to a negotiation, and most labels are best followed by effective pausing.
E.g.
- “It sounds/seems/looks like………”
- "It sounds like security is very important to you."
- "It looks like budget is a primary concern."
- "I'm sensing some hesitation in moving forward."
Paraphrasing / Summarizing
Putting the content or meaning in your own words. Paraphrasing displays your understanding of the concept at hand, and helps you draw more information out from the customer if your paraphrasing is lacking in some way. Summarizing the key points of your conversation helps ensure you are understanding and able to vocalize the other side's perspective. As a way to clarify the terms and be certain everyone is on the same page, these methods can reduce implementation errors. Empathy is also strengthened by summarizing and paraphrasing a counterpart’s perspective.
Calibrated Questions
Calibrated questions are a means to find additional value in a discussion. These are open ended discussion that allow your counterpart to provide information. They tend to be 'What' and 'How' questions, and only occasionally 'Why'. 'Why' questions can lead people to become defensive and are sensitive to your tone and delivery. Every response to a calibrated question should be properly labeled by you to recognize their point.
E.g.
- What are we trying to accomplish?
- What is the core issue here?
- What is the biggest challenge you are facing?
- How is that worthwhile?
- How does that affect things?
- How does that fit into your long-term goals?
- How does success look to you?
- Label - "It appears coming within your budget is very important to you.
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