Life can be full of irony. The biggest irony in my life is my relationship with shoes.

14 -28 years old

Since I was 14 years old buying shoes was hell for me. I have always had some pains in both of my feet, and I needed inlay soles to be able to walk more or less (most of the time less) pain free.

I avoided shoe stores. Never wore heals. Felt like a real woman when I bought flat-heeled black boots that made that 'clicking' sound women with heals make while walking.

Struggled and stumbled on for 14 years.

28+ years old

Since about three years buying shoes became even more more difficult. Every pair I buy needs to be orthopedically adapted. The costs are about 500 euros per pair. Two pairs a year will be covered by my health insurance, but because the first 450 euros I spend on healthcare is 'own risk', I basically have to pay the first shoe adaptation myself.

After that it makes sense to buy at least one more pair since that adaptation is basically 'free'. If I buy my second pair before december it's therefore cheaper for me than if I buy in januari since that is a new year which resets the 'own risk' and I pay again that 450 euros myself.

Last year

Last year I tried to find a pair of boots. I walked through the stores and didn't find a pair that both fitted well, had laces, no high(er) heels, and I knew could technically be adapted.

So I gave up on the stores and ordered literally 14 pairs of shoes that got delivered on my door step. I fitted all 14 pairs, they didn't fit or I knew could not be adapted as was needed. So I sent 14 pairs of shoes back.

I went to more stores. I was disappointed again.

I went online again. I found a black version of the brown boots I already owned and I knew were a good fit. So my second pair of shoes I own is basically only different from the first in colour.

I now own two pair or shoes in total and they are worth 660 euros per pair. (160 euros per pair plus 500 euros worth of adaptations.)

2-14 years old

Before I started getting frustrated with buying shoes, they were always a huge topic of discussion while I was a young child. My grandmother worked in a shoe store for as long as I could remember, and not one of those chain shoe stores with hip but cheap shoes, no, it was one where people in my town went to because they wanted advise, the 'best' brands, professional measuring of size, and unlimited customer support.

She influenced my parents with all her knowledge of 'what makes a good shoe' and I was always told 'shoes are important', way more important than clothes. Shoes had to support my walking and posture. So my shoes needed to have laces, had to be made of leather, and shoes with lack of support on the heel or in the sole were frowned upon.

I lovingly (and well, because this is how a child's brain works) called her 'Grandmother Shoe Store'. And she taught me: SHOES ARE IMPORTANT.

I have loads of good memories tied to that particular shoe store: the little train in the back of the store which was used to keep the kids patient while they had to fit the shoes - the balloons in all colours that were handed out when you (or your parents) bought new shoes. The fact that my grandmother worked there and I was always a bit of a 'special customer'...

I don't think my parents ever bought shoes for me elsewhere.

[My mother kept my first pair of shoes]

Shoes from the Middle Ages

It got even better when I got in touch with my grandmother's boss who owned the store and had an attic above the store where he kept shoes from the Middle Ages. Shoes with a nose that 'curled', shoes in all kinds of pretty colours, shoes that were worth hundreds if not thousands of euros (then Gulden) per pair.

I asked the boss if I was allowed to take some of these shoes to my school - I wanted to make a presentation about Shoes from the Middle Ages as a school project, and having some 'real ones' there to illustrate my story would be so so amazing.

He didn't only agree, he offered to show how he repaired the shoes with a needle and a pig's hair! Like it was done in the Middle Ages.

So I held my presentation, and my grandmother's boss was in the back of the classroom repairing a real shoe from the Middle Ages with a needle and a pig's hair.

Now, I was about 11 years old and the kids in my class often found me too studious so I wasn't super popular, but something magical happened: when I was finished they started to shout 'Ten! Ten! Ten!' which is the highest mark anyone can get in the Dutch education system where grades range from 1-10.

My teacher couldn't ignore the fact that I had gone 'all out' on this presentation and I got a '10' as a reward for my school project.

Looking back and forward

In a way I have so many good memories tied to shoes - probably more than many since they were such a huge part of my upbringing. I can literally remember so many pairs of the shoes I bought as a child since I never bought them mindlessly, they always had stories and memories and a lot of thinking went in buying them.

I still spend a lot of thinking in every pair of shoes I buy, but now for different reasons. It's not at all a positive experience anymore and last year I had to fit 30 pairs of shoes to only buy 1 pair that was actually an exact copy in a different colour from the pair I already owned.

It makes economical sense to buy another pair of shoes in the next month and get them adapted before the end of the year, but since no balloons will be offerend and instead I already see how I will have to fit another 30 pairs - I don't see it happening.

I need a shoe store that is as magical as the one I remember from my childhood with my personal Grandmother Shoe Store that finds me shoes every time I visit her.

Limited mobility | Unlimited stories: Why I'm looking for a magical shoe store like the one from my childhood