The road itself: not spectacular

The road itself will not be that spectacular:

Walk to tram station, 4 minutes
Tram ride to Train Station, 20 minutes
Train ride to Eindhoven, 1 hour
Bus ride to Airport, 20-30 minutes
Flight: 1 hour 50 minutes
Transfer/taxi to Airbnb: 30 minutes

So from door of my home to door of my Kraków home is probably with some transfer time and stuff included 5 hours total. I will have breakfast at home and a four o'clock drink in Kraków. Then why am I nervous?

The road is more emotional than physical

Since I became confronted with limited mobility I request 'special assistance' at the airports while traveling. A wheelchair will be available for me after check-in (or before even if queues are long) and someone, either staff or the one I'm traveling with, will push me through the airport.

Now, and I only realized this recently, this trip will be the first time I'm traveling solo after I got the permanent foot damage. I've traveled solo before more than once, actually, I need it to recharge from time to time, and have zero anxiety for traveling. But... This time it is different.

Until now, all the wheelchair stuff, the going through security, the waiting, the boarding... I would have my boyfriend as a buffer. He's the one pushing my wheelchair, he's the one helping me through security (always a hell, because I always have to take off my shoes because they contain a material the scanner doesn't like), he's the one sitting with me drinking coffee until we have to go to the gate, he's the one making sure the flight staff lets me board first because they always 'forget' I'm there.

(Which would then mean I'm despite of all the arrangements still waiting in a line to board for quite a while, shuffling ahead 30 centimeters at a time, defeating the whole purpose of traveling with special assistance.)

I tend to feel super vulnerable while sitting in a wheelchair. For the record: I'm in daily life never sitting in a wheelchair. But airports take a huge strain on my feet, not the walking per se (that too) but mostly the standing/waiting in line which I can prevent easily in daily life, for example by getting my groceries delivered. The interesting thing about sitting in a wheelchair is: all of a sudden I feel like I'm dependent of others and there's nothing I hate more than not feeling independent.

(According to my mum my first words were 'Let ME do it MYSELF!')

I've even felt I walk slower, more carefully, differently, after standing up from the wheelchair to go to the bathroom for example. Like the wheelchair makes me feel more disabled than I actually am.

It's a true frustration for me where, especially after going through security, my face is all red from frustration and swearing, because it's such a hassle where I only can passively watch others get me through the whole process, and I have to cool down for 15 minutes at least before I've lost all the heat of it and not look like an angry tomato anymore.

My trip to Kraków will be the first time I go through this 'new way of traveling' alone.

So no-one to swear at, to complain to, to have eye-contact with because they know how I feel, just me and a stranger who doesn't know me and does not understand what I need. No independent-looking woman with some relaxed clothing and a backpack hanging from her shoulder looking all confident going through the whole process, which was me only 3 years ago, but instead me, the wheelchair tomato, cursing through it all...

But you know what. Once I'm in Kraków I know I will have done it. Me. Alone. Maybe not looking and feeling that independent compared to before, but actually proving I am.

Go, me.

Earlier 'Road to SteemFest posts':

The Road to SteemFest3: the physical road indeed is very physical. Or is it emotional?

The road itself: not spectacular

The road is more emotional than physical

My trip to Kraków will be the first time I go through this 'new way of traveling' alone.

But you know what. Once I'm in Kraków I know I will have done it. Me. Alone. Maybe not looking and feeling that independent compared to before, but actually proving I am.

Earlier 'Road to SteemFest posts':