Dear diary,
The purge is going quite nicely. I figure that, on average, for every relative I have murdered, I gain 20 million dollars.
Scheduled to play basketball with Kim Jung Un and Dennis Rodman next week. It’ll probably go like it always does. Rodman will dominate us, Kim will start whining, and we’ll end up drunk at a brothel.
I’m still on the fence about whether or not to have my dad bumped off. I’m so tired of waiting for my crowning moment. It could be a humane assassination. Maybe some food poisoning or something. Nah, he’s got way too many food tasters. There’s got to be a better way.
There are some bloggers that I need to put on the chopping block, literally. How dare they call me greedy, ruthless, and a disgrace to humanity!
It just dawned on me that Kim Jung Un might be able to offer advice on how to bump my dad off. He comes from a long line of illustrious purgers.
I can’t wait for my party next week! Roasted pig, Playboy models, automatic weapons, and I’m gonna get soooooooo drunk!
Trump keeps begging me to put a casino in NEOM city. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford my bribes, but it’s nice that he keeps trying.
Top image is from denverpost.com