It's very hard going through things like overthinking anything and having anxiety. I was not like this before, because I just don't care. But when I got graduated from college and finally called myself one of the professionals, yeah I claimed it lol, I started to think random things that lead me to this anxiety thingy.
I was Jobless by choice because I just graduated in college. So I traveled few tourists spots here in Philippines to reward myself of graduating from college. I felt so alive, being free and weightless. I was in college for eight years so yeah, it felt like a lifetime. I had two college courses by the way, IT and BS in computer engineering. Two years in IT and six years in Engineering. Y'all feel me? eight years? HAHA
After those few adventures that I had, I started to think about my future. I was really worried about my future though because my family's rooting on my success. I have only one sibling, my little brother, who is almost 10 years younger than me that sees me as his model or "goals" in millennial terms. So I started to feel some huge pressure on planning my future because of those people who believed in me.
They always think that I'm strong and composed, well maybe they don't really know me. One thing I've learned in being strong, is that nobody will ask you if you're still okay, nobody. They'll always see you that you can do it or will survive it... That sucks, because I really want to have someone who will ask me those things, yup it's a simple little questions but it helps me pull myself together. Oohhh I know what you guys are thinking right now, that I'm going through depression? Well, almost.
So there it is, I started to go outside and apply for a Job. I applied online, companies around the city where I live, I applied anywhere! My overthinking started before my first ever real job interview, I felt scared, terrified, and uneasy. During my interview, my voice sounds terrible because I doubted my self and my skills and afraid that I might not answered the questions very well. So there goes my anxiety, all of those interview got me anxiety.
Days, weeks had pass. I was always having "overthinking" and anxiety all through out the days after all of those Job interviews. "What if", "Why did I said that" those things were on my mind all day long. My confidence started to crumble down to a pile of dust. My mom always ask me, "why are you still in this unemployed status?", "when will you have a Job?", etc. That adds up to my anxiety and pressure.
I got sick after few weeks. I started to feel something inside my stomach, because it hurts me a lot like every single day. So there goes my overthinking again, "What if i get they'll bring me to hospital?", "I still don't have a Job, what will I pay for my medication?" and many more, my anxiety and "overthinking" skills grew more.
"No Job, no money, no everything" this is what I was always thinking all day long. My friend told me, "you're having a mild depression, don't go deeper than that". That scared me, "what if I will go deeper than this? Will I go kill myself in the end of this road?" that really scared me. So started to read news of people taking their life because of depression online so that slapped me out of this paranoia.
This is where I wake up from overthinking and anxiety. I set my alarm early in the morning to have a little jog on our neighborhood. I looked for a place where there will be no person that will cross or see me doing some weird sh*t. I prayed first of-course, and after that I meditated. It took more than 40 minutes I think, I cleared my mind, I tried to forget everything and just be thankful that I'm still alive.
So after what I did, I reviewed all my interview sessions in all those companies that I applied. I compiled all of it in my mind and I thought of another way to upgrade myself during interview. I tried to regain my confidence that I thought that I lost. I read articles about how to make yourself better, how to escape depression, hot to evade anxiety, and how to stop myself from overthinking. I felt like lighter everyday... So when I felt like I'm ready, I applied one company. I was shocked that time because it only took 1 hour and that company wants to have an initial interview with me.
I got in my interview, I prepared some of answers for some expected questions. So my initial interview began and I passed. I was endorsed to the head management and got another interview. I showed all of my capabilities and make them feel that I am strong willed person eager to improve myself. So I was shocked that the top management endorsed me again to the Head IT of the company for final interview. I took that interview and exam. After few hours, an unknown number appeared in my cellphone trying to call me. When I answered, I was so happy that the company told me that I got Short listed as an IT specialist to their company. BOOM! So I got my job, they applauded me for my scores in interview and exam, I got the highest score among 43 applicants for the Job. I was so very happy that day. So yes, all those depression, anxiety, overthinking were gone. All I felt was happiness. HAHA well that's all I want to share today guys. So see you around. Booyahh!!!