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It was the same every year, a bunch of dyslexic kids failed to write Santa’s name correctly, and the letters ended up in hell. Satan had complained about it several, times, but not too strongly. Only enough, to make it seem like he was actually annoyed by it, because in reality … he loved it.
Christmas was the only time of the year when Satan got messages from someone else than bloodthirsty Satanists, and angry Christians. He didn’t like either of them, they all missed the point of Hell and his existence. He served to punish the evil people; he wasn’t evil himself! But centuries of bad propaganda had resulted in him being universally hated. Satan had made his peace with it, but it still hurt a little bit each time.
Now was his time to shine.
There was an entire subdivision of demons, just waiting to do his bidding and deliver the presents he picked out. Of course, he didn’t provide exactly what those children wanted, that would have taken the fun out of it. No, Satan liked to give the children what they actually desired.
”A pony”, he mumbled. ”A little pony. That’s the third this year. What is it with little children and ponies? Can’t be their elegance, because then they would have picked a horse. But a pony …”
Spot walked up to Satan and rubbed his three heads on the devil’s leg. Absentmindedly, Satan petted his dog.
”What do you think, hm?” Spot barked in disharmony. ”A companion?” Spot barked again. ”Very well.” Satan snapped his fingers, and a tiny demon appeared.
”Yessss masssterrr?” It hissed.
”Little Susan craves a companion”, Satan said. ”A mighty one. Do we have any hellhounds left?”
”Yesssss. The runt of the litterrrrr. Weak sssssspecimen.”
”Perfect. Deliver it to her immediately, and don’t forget the message wishing her Merry Christmas. Oh, and make sure the parents accept the dog.”
”Right awayyyy …” In a cloud of sulfur, the demon vanished. Satan coughed and reconsidered the whole “sulfur and brimstone” setup of hell. Maybe Jesus would be willing to spare some of that sweet marble heaven was equipped with …
”Another letter, master”, his right hand said, handing him a white envelope.
Satan took it and looked at it skeptically. Aside from his name, written in careful, clean letters instead of the usual childish scribbles, the envelope didn’t show any kind of decoration: no drawn stars, no evergreen trees. Curiously, he ripped it open.
The letter inside was just as void of drawings as the envelope, written with the same, steady hand. There didn’t seem to be any obvious spelling mistakes at first glance. He started reading.
Dear Satan,
I’m not sure if this letter will reach you and if you even care.
But I know that you exist, ever since my friend from school, Andrei, accidentally misspelled
Santa’s name on a letter. You delivered him two siblings.
At that point, Satan stopped for a moment and chuckled. Yes, he remembered Andrei. The kid had wished for friends, but Satan had quickly realized that the boy had plenty of friends. What had been missing were friends at home. Andrei’s parents had stood no chance against Satan’s influence … and Andrei was no longer an only child.
He continued reading.
Now, I know that you’re a busy person, running hell and everything.
I’m just a human child, nobody important.
So I understand if you don’t want to waste time with me.
But if you read this, and if, for whatever reason, you care, I have only one wish:
Make them stop hurting me.
Best Regards
Johanna
Tears had smeared the ink before it had even dried, Satan realized. But not just that: The girl hadn’t misspelled Santa’s name, her letter was specifically addressed to him, and it was a cry for help.
God wouldn’t help, Satan knew that. Whoever was hurting Johanna, they were exerting their free will. God would not interfere with that; it was against his rules. But the devil himself only technically had to follow this rule - he could make deals with humans. And those deals could infringe on another human’s existence.
It had been a while since Satan had struck a deal, he didn’t particularly like it, and it only led to an increase in human souls in hell, which meant extra work. But this was a special case.
With the letter in his hand, Satan concentrated on where it came from, traced down the route it had taken, through divine and human hands, until he had successfully pinned down Johanna’s location, to which he teleported within a heartbeat.
It was night, and the darkness swallowed everything in Johanna’s room. The child was sleeping. Satan stretched out his hand and did some magic to ensure she’d stay asleep; then he accessed her memories. Who had hurt her? Where were they?
It didn’t take long, the criminals were on the surface of her thoughts, in her dreams. Johanna whimpered in her sleep, and Satan wiped away her bad dreams, to replace them with something else.
”I take your deal”, he whispered. ”In return, I want you to live a good life. As long as you don’t hurt other people like you’ve been hurt, your soul will not end up in hell.”
The deal required him to bend the rules a lot, but it was the best he was able and allowed to do. One last time, Satan looked back at Johanna, then left to fulfill his end of the deal.
And when he was back in hell, reading more letters from kids who wished for ponis, and kittis, and friends, and the latest nitendo, he knew that Johanna’s parents wouldn’t be able to hurt her anymore.
Never again.
