I have a couple of friends. I would have them over and show them my garden. I made it look pretty easy and they wanted to try.
Their first efforts were so dismal, I almost gave up on them. But I decided to write a book on how to do it, and give it to them for free, and publish it for others on the internet, way back… Before the WWW.
I posted it on USENET and a few other places online and made it available for others at no cost. I saw over the years, it was translated into many languages and was put up on the web; many people helped distribute it, and I think a lot of people ended up reading it. It was the best source of marijuana growing info (for free) that existed on the internet, for at least a decade!
https://steemit.com/marijuana/@surfyogi/the-joys-of-an-herb-garden-at-home-v3-part-1-of-3-updated
So back to my friends, we’ll call them Von and Meg.
I sent them both the book, after I had a first draft, and begged them to read it. I had refined growing to an easy art form, and I wanted to share how simple it was with them; if only they knew a few simplifications I had learned over a few years time doing much research, reading most of the books available on the subject, and trying and refining my own ideas (mostly to save time, and money, and reduce grow times). Focusing on hydroponic gardening, I had cut the grow time to almost half the time, of growing in soil, and thus reduced all kinds of issues with mold, pests, and many other things. They simply did not have time to get established.
I don’t believe either one of them ever took the time to read it. In fact, I know Von took a class in hydroponics at the local community college, and while I appreciated his intention to educate himself, I thought it was silly that he had his “own ideas” about how he wanted to go about growing, when he had never yet been successful, at least one big failure on his hands, and was literally handed a book on the subject by his best friend.. Sheesh.
Meg, on the other hand, seemed resolved to make every mistake possible, and was going to slay this dragon on his own. I saw him fail multiple times, and it was just so pathetic! What a loser!
I thought I would write this new chapter, for all the “Lone Guns” out there that just have to find their own way, and so forth.
I now add this new chapter to my book for it’s 4th version, a final chapter, called “10 Ways to Avoid Fucking up your Expensive Garden (that took you months to build)”.
Somehow, I think this title MIGHT GET A FEW PEOPLES ATTENTION, so if they only read ONE FUCKING CHAPTER of the book, they might read this one. (Ok, I’m ready now)
GET CAUGHT GROWING BY YOUR NEIGHBORS
USE ACTIVE HYDRAULICS FOR YOUR HYDROPONIC SOLUTION
LET MOLD OR PESTS INFEST YOUR GARDEN
INEFFECTIVE CLONING - ATTEMPT CLONING WITHOUT ROOT POWDER
BURNING YOUR PLANTS WITH HOT LAMPS
ANIMALS EAT IT OUTDOORS
OVER FEEDING PLANT FOOD
GROWING IN SOIL
TAKING ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT NEVER WROTE A BOOK ON THE SUBJECT
LACKING COMMON SENSE
GET CAUGHT GROWING BY YOUR NEIGHBORS
I used to have neighbors with 2 teen daughters. They were nice enough, but when I first started my garden, the mom a few doors down would walk the neighborhood, looking for drug dealers. If she thought she had spotted a house, she would call the FUZZ! (This was before medicinal laws in CA)
I was over there, drinking a beer in the driveway with them (!) when she announced this to me. I started feeling anxious, knowing I had 50 plants a few doors down, in the greenhouse in my backyard... (I only sell to my adult friends 😉 So I smiled and nodded, and remarked that I didn’t think that was necessary in such a nice area, but she was adamant, and I went home to “recheck” my greenhouse.
I had a pool, and a shed for the pump, filter, and so forth, and it was converted to a greenhouse. I made sure nobody from the other side of the fence could look through the boards in the fence, etc. It was completely solor, no lights, and was covered in opaque white. I could have used clear material, and painted it white as well.
FUZZ, Ripoffs, kids, and NOSY Neighbors. Think SECURE. Locks, hard materials, fences.
Having a dog, is also not a bad idea. Keeps people walking by, from entering your yard.
- USE ACTIVE HYDRAULICS FOR YOUR HYDROPONIC SOLUTION
There is no reason to use active drip or hydraulic pumps of ANY KIND, IF you use Rockwool!
Should I say it again? NO REASON
Use wicking of the rock wool to simply suck the liquid from a reservoir you keep filled weekly, maybe twice weekly. This will do the trick, and is a huge simplification to hydroponic gardening. For most small gardens, this is perfectly adequate, SAFER INDOORS, and much easier to manage.
I can not relate to you how many gardeners I have seen fail this way! They insist they want to use lava rock, or some other medium, or they want to use a drip system. Literally MOST active hydroponic gardens I see die, due to lack of maintenance and even feeding distribution. The roots get dry, and the plants die in about 2 days. It’s that fast.
Passive hydroponics is a great, easy and effective way to be able to leave your garden for a week at a time, and not worry about it. No pumps to break, no lines to leak (inside your house). No fuckups that bring FUZZ or firemen, or death to your plants while you are away.
- LET MOLD OR PESTS INFEST YOUR GARDEN
I bring this up, because you will need to check for this weekly and work out a system by which you can be sure these pests do not get started in your grow space(s). If you start clones in a closet, you need to have filters for incoming air from outside, and you need to keep exhaust screened, so that bugs and spiders do not easily enter. You can fumigate between crops, and that might be a good idea indoors, once per year as well.
Mold is a huge issue, but keeping your rock wool almost completely encased in plastic will keep this to a minimum. Just cut holes when necessary in wool slabs (to wick solution, and place cubes upon) and never unwrap cubes.
Keep in mind, mold and mites can wipe you out in about 2 weeks, so always keep an eye, and know how to spot them, and do something about it immediately. Never wait for mites to take over your garden; they will ruin your crop faster than you can say ‘fuck me’. That shit is not smokable; do not smoke infested bud.
- INNEFECTIVE CLONING - ATTEMPT CLONING WITHOUT ROOT POWDER
- Keep your cuttings wet
- Use rooting gel or powder
- Tightly insert them into web rock wool cubes. No gaps.
- Keep them under lights 24 hours a day
- Don’t put them too close together
Cloning is one of the easiest things to do, and it’s also one of the easiest things to screw up. The cuttings are under a lot of stress and need a full 2 weeks to get rooted in rock wool. This is a critical time; watch them daily until you perfect your skills.
- BURNING YOUR PLANTS WITH HOT LAMPS
You probably won’t kill your garden, but you can really slow things down if you don’t keep lights away from them, or if lights are not adjusted as the plants grow.
If you are going to be out of town for a week, set the lights high enough your plants won’t burn in that time.
- ANIMALS EAT IT OUTDOORS
I once took about 12 plants outdoors to “grow among the redwoods” at Von’s house. The gophers got them first, then the deer came.. They were gone the next week.
To grow outdoors without a greenhouse invites all the locals to come out and play. You will have to kill the gophers with poison. You will have to have a deer fence. It’s time consuming, exhausting and I don’t recommend it.
- OVER FEEDING PLANT FOOD
Definitely the easy mistake to make.
If 1 teaspoon is good, then 2 is better, right?
WRONG
You will easily kill your fine little plants in a few days this way. Don’t be a noob. Mix plant foods exactly as directed on the box, and when in doubt, underfeed, and overwater your plants to rinse the salts out of the rock wool on a regular basis.
- GROWING IN SOIL
Soil growing can work, and if you know what you are doing, and don’t care about how long it takes to grow with it, and you like to use your own compost, go right ahead, but I will warn you first:
Growing in soil takes almost twice as long as growing in Rockwool. Really, that long. You go from 10 weeks, to 16-18 weeks normally. And during that extra 8 weeks, all kinds of things that were just BEGINNING to start in your garden are now raging.
- Mold - now has twice as much time to infest the growing medium
- Spider-mites - now have twice as many places to hide and take over in a week
- Impatient roommates - want some bud to smoke, pick it early, put it in the microwave to cure (joke)
I recommend using your compost, for your vegetables and fruit trees.
People complain; Rockwool is too expensive. It’s dangerous to work with, or they can’t recycle it. We’ll quickly take these one at a time.
a) Expense - compared to the cost of what? Losing your garden? Growing in soil? The time and effort saved, and assurance gained, more than make up for your expense (which is nominal, compared to the cost of good herb).
b) Can’t recycle it. Yes this is mostly true. You could, but it’s a hard job, and you risk infecting your garden, just to save a few dollars of a biodegradable product that does not pollute the earth. Just toss it and buy new stuff.
c) Dangerous to breath - Yes, it’s spun material, IF DRY and unwrapped from it’s plastic cover, could be dangerous to breath. Don’t do that. Don’t unwrap it, and don’t let it dry out, and through it away in sealed black plastic garbage bags.
- TAKING ADVICE FROM PEOPLE THAT NEVER WROTE A BOOK ON THE SUBJECT
Consider whom you take advice from. Are they a seasoned guerrilla grower, or are they Joe the stoner across the street?
Be very careful where marijuana is concerned, whom you take advice from.
Don’t grow from seeds, use clones!
Don’t grow in soil, use rock wool!
Don’t use a pump; use wicking (passive hydroponics only)
Don’t leave your plants unattended for more than a week
- LACKING COMMON SENSE
I can’t think of any more ways I HAVE SCREWED UP perfectly good gardens. There were so many mistakes I hope you can learn from. But I’m sure there are dozens of other ways to go about it!
Stick to the plan. Perfect your style, before trying new things.
Introduces changes slowly, to just part of the garden to see how the plants like new changes.
Cure your plants slowly after harvesting, clean and trim them thoroughly, and throw away any infested buds you may find once dried.