The music that Linkin park has produced has been a massive part of my life since 2000. The words in the songs that Chester Bennington sang affected me personally in a positive way at a time in my life when I felt so alone and that no one could understand how I was feeling inside. Like Chester, I had also been abused as a child. Chester’s pain was felt in every word he sang, finally I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I never met Chester but through his songs I felt as if he was singing about how I was feeling which made me feel like I did know him in a way.
At the beginning of 2000 I attended my first round of counselling. The mental, physical, and sexual abuse inflicted on me by my dad impacted on me more as I grew up and after I had, had my first child. I was diagnosed with depression and started counselling. It took many counselling and therapy sessions to get me to where I am today. I will always have to take antidepressants in order for me to get on with my life which doesn’t bother me. They help me function so I’m fine with that. I still have what I call my black days when I feel very numb which can lead to me cutting myself, but I feel more in control nowadays.
On July 20th 2017, after years of battling depression, due to abuse, Chester hung himself. This man who I had never met yet felt an attachment to was gone. This affected me in a way I could never imagine. It felt like I had lost a part of myself. After his death, there were so many memorials around the world and people like me were coming out saying how they had been fighting depression and Chester and his music helped them in their daily struggle. Goes to show how much an impact music can have on people.
Chester seemed so strong on the outside and always looked happy. This shows you how evil depression is. The inside does not match the outside. I understand how depression can push someone to suicide. The numbness you feel when in a black day, the feeling of hopelessness, you are lost in yourself and don’t think of those around you. You just don’t want to be that way anymore, constantly fighting, it get’s very tiring.
I was so angry with Chester for giving in, he had so many people around him who could have helped him but it wasn’t enough, the pain was too great. I think if I can still be here and fighting everyday does that make me stronger than Chester? I don’t know.
Chester and his music always be a big part of my life. Depression is evil!!! I will keep fighting and hopefully will be around for a lot longer but you never know when the black day is going to strike. Do I keep fighting or give in!!!
Chester Bennington RIP