On the way to work this morning I called my brother, 
Although I always wanted kids, I never really understood what it would be like to actually have one and I have to say, my wife and I are very lucky to have the one we have and even more so, as due to complications in delivery, she will be the only one we can have. We were likely going to aim for two but, one awesome one is enough.
And she is awesome.
So far, her life hasn't been the easiest in the world but it is by far not the worst and luckily, my wife and I are able to take care of all of her needs, even though it has come at a price that goes well beyond the economic impact. One of the biggest costs has come in the form of time and, that is likely one of the most expensive things to lose in this life. Time has been crushed out of our lives for years now and, it takes its toll on us in many ways. Much of life has been a daze of zombie living broken by spates of work.
yes, it will end one day - one way or another.
It is funny sometimes because people give advice that 'we should rest' more but they haven't actually lived what we live and if they did, they would likely understand that the luxury of rest is not available under these conditions because to rest, there has to be space and that is in very short supply. Time is a scarce resource, an that is why it has so much value and, why I do not spend my time frivolously.
Time wasting is a luxury item and those that let the sand run through the hour glass unmoving are like those who leave the tap running. If one lives in drought conditions, one knows that water is a precious resource. I live in a drought of time and I am thankful for it because, I understand the value of my own time we enough that I am able to extend myself, expend my energy and get further in a breath than many.
Is it healthy?
Well that depends on what one thinks about health as it does take a toll on the body and perhaps it makes irreparable damage, but at the end of the day, so does playing most sports. Is the damage worth it should be the question and that is what I am on the path to find out. I don't care about a long life as much as a good life and a good life for me means one with purpose - my purpose, not yours. Some people are content sitting behind their screens arguing over irrelevancies, I prefer to have more to my life than that.
What I think is unhealthy these days is the illusion of purpose without actually having to act to do much. Maybe for some that is living the dream but for me, I want to see if I can do more than just find ways to do less. Work 45 years so as to retire from work? Why the hell would one want to retire from something they enjoy? Oh, that is because they don't actually enjoy their work, they do it because they don't want to work one day. That is their call.
I don't really care much for what people think of the way I live my life and even less of the way people have judged the way we raise our daughter. She is happier than most kids, throws less tantrums than most kids, is more skilled than most kids, funnier than most kids and smarter than most kids. Sure, we could "save" some time by sitting her in front of the TV while we do other things, but she is a joy to be with so, why would we do that?
Yes, it is also tiring and frustrating and ludicrously expensive at times but again, there is purpose in the work involved and that has meaning beyond the cost of that work plus, it is investment into the future, investment into another person. Not an economic one, but a relationship investment into the improvement of life for another, maybe many more if she chooses to use what she has and learns to support others too. This is something many people forget when raising kids too. They try to raise them to be successful but, do they raise them to be healthy members of a community at the same time? And if they aren't - are they happy?
The internet is full of people who take pleasure in trying to exact pain on others through various means and I have to question, what kinds of people are they in the real world. I imagine relatively lonely, weak and bitter at life. I can't imagine well adjusted minds and bodies enjoying inflicting suffering of any kind on others purposely . But on the internet, the deepest, darkest desires are fulfilled from distance and anonymity with no repercussions on cruelty. The types of kids that pulled the wings off flies perhaps.
Meh, life is an interesting experience I think, as no matter how much some aspects of it can suck for me, there is still more hope to live and work for than despair to lay down and succumb to the futility of doing nothing much for no reason at all. While we each have our life to live, personally, I'd rather die creating something than consuming something - And at least for my daughter, I think I can create a better world.
And if I think that, I have to act on it - no matter what you think about it.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]