This week has been an interesting week for observation of people who struggle woth emotional control in different forms. One thing that has been present in all has been an external frame of reference where their emotions are triggered by events and actions outside of their locus of control. Are our emotions truly ours if they are controlled by others.
At coffee last night with my friend we were discussing how consumption habits direct our thoughts, feelings and behaviours and I mentioned that they are also hackable. What we want is generally instilled by culture, society and advertising and not ours at all. This is true even if it doesn't help us or even if it harms us yet we keep chasing or desires that are not or own.
I mentioned to him that most people do not know much about themselves (but believe they do) and then find partners who do not know much about themselves either. Combine this with a disconnection and inability to adequately read people and it is a recipe for relationships to form that are unsuitable. Then, when things go awry, without understanding why it is unsuitable they swipe to the next relationship with not much of substance learned.
This process is almost completely driven by external powers that influence or thoughts and actions and then we wonder why we struggle and fail to find out great loves and passions in life. Hiw can we find what is the best fit for who we are if we do not know who we are?
Without the ability to internally reflect and discover more of our true selves, we will likely be on a path of continued conflict where what we want is not suitable for who we are and we chase an illusion, a narrative sold to us. And what this lead to is a life experience where external events, words and people control our behaviour by triggering our actions. The life of the externally controlled is a hard life in my opinion.
In my view, emotional control is only truly possible when someone knows themselves well enough to understand that their reactions are their responsibility and no one can possibly get under their skin without permission to do so. This takes examination and practice and unfortunately, we are not encouraged to do so as it is much easier to control those whose emotions are trained to listen to others rather than be processed and investigated internally.
Emotionally, we can all improve our resilience and just like strengthening the body's immune system, the psychological response requires challenge to build the necessary antibodies to withstand attack. This process had been hijacked by safe zones and encouragement to feel immediately rather than process and delay emotional gratification.
There are times emotions can be let free and times they need to be harnessed by necessity but to truly have them be ours, we must bed their master, not the other way around.
Bullet proofing emotionally isn't to not feel anything, it is to still be able to do what is necessary without being hindered by what isn't. While people's get upset and angry and every imaginable slight they feel, the emotionally controlled continue doing what needs to be done.
Some people tend to get upset when I talk about emotional control. They are controlled. And in that triggered state, rarely will they be able to act their best selves. But, that is their responsibility and their choice of how they experience this life.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)
The photo I stole from
