Viski the dog is getting on in years, and will turn 14 next month. His teeth are bad, his eyesight failing and he can no longer hear much of what is going on around him. He spends most of his time sleeping and limping around the house. However, when he is outside on a walk, he is like a puppy, running sniffing and looking like he has shed enough years to be near his prime. At these times, it is hard to imagine that at some point in the not too distant future, he will end his journey with us.
One thing I am content with is, I believe that he has had a good life under our care.
Currently, my father is approaching this end also, but he is rarely lucid enough that he might not actually know it. He doesn't even realize that none of his family have visited him in many weeks, he doesn't seem to know he has a family at all. Or perhaps, time just moves differently in his mind.
I think he has had a hard life, but a good life and while it might not be to everyone's ideal, he has worked hard for very little material outcome - life and those he trusted leeches it away through a thousand cuts.
It doesn't really matter what we have at the end though and it may not even matter that we are alone when the end arrives. In some way, perhaps it would be a comfort to be alone, not have to see the pity in eyes or feel the impending sense of loss on both sides - just slip away quietly in the darkness.
I was okay when my mother died, but I feel a greater sense that my father's passing will be harder - yes, he is my dad, but I get the feel that the world is losing a good person, someone that made a difference in people's lives by living a life in service to others. He is the kind of person that defines the term role model, at least in some aspects of how and why he lived.
I can't say he was a good father figure, nor a bad. For me, it wasn't really like that between us - he was older by the time I was old enough and life in the family had changed a lot in a short period. We spent a lot of time talking, but more as counterparts than father and son.
There was no drama between us, no attempt to win approval on my side, no need for him to impress me either - we could just talk. There wasn't a lot of fathering going on by that stage of his life.
The only thing that did stand out as a father was that no matter what I tried, he encouraged me. And no matter how ill I got, he was always confident that I would get better, that things would improve.
I think that this is the only way for some people to negotiate life - since we are stuck having to live it, we may as well take the position that things will get better, no matter how bad they might currently be. I think this is the way he has lived his life to a great extent and even after all he had seen, he held firm to the belief that things will improve.
My hope is that he doesn't suffer any more than he must, that they can effectively manage the pain he is experience as his body fails and follows his mind. I am not sure if I will miss my dad when he is gone, but I am quite sure I will miss the idea of him being around, being a part of this world. When he does finally pass, I think the world would have lost someone who added value to it for over eight decades and asked for nothing in return.
Some would say he wasted his opportunity - he would say, he did all he could.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]