Over a scotch (or two) the other night, a friend of mine admitted something that I wasn't expecting from him. He had recently been on a work trip with a group of upper management colleagues like himself, and they got to sharing personal details about themselves. One woman around his age has no children but loves her life travelling around the world to exotic locations with her CEO husband, playing golf. Another has a large apartment in downtown Helsinki with his executive wife and their two kids. And another with her CEO husband and child, have a big house on the water.
He was envious.
And it made him question his own life.
Not just in the moment, but afterward too. He earns well, but he doesn't really know where his money goes - though they have recently bought a small investment apartment in Helsinki, and a cottage out on the islands. For him, who is doing better than 99% of the rest in Finland, when others broadcast what they have and do, he still feels inadequate and insecure.
This is obvious for many looking at others, but for my friend, this has come as a bit of surprise for him, because he has always regarded himself as someone who doesn't compare himself to others. Yet, here he is, doing just that. And I think that a lot of people are actually in the same boat as my friend, believing that somehow they are "above" the pettiness of human nature and the tendency to compare ourselves to others.
But, they are wrong.
Yes, there are a few who might not fit the mould in some factors, but in general and in general across multiple factors, humans are human, and will behave according to human tendencies. Our evolution affects us all in many, many ways, and pretending that we aren't affected by it, that our belief is strong enough to break patterns, is quite foolish. Because eventually, we will discover like my friend, that we don't have as much say in our thoughts and behaviour as we believe. And that our base instincts and desires, often override our belief.
It is an interesting area, because over the years I have had the discussion with people here and in real life about various perspectives of "caring what others think" and pretty much every person has confidently proclaimed that they are one of the few who don't care. Yet, at least in real life and through many of the words people write, they are fooling themselves.
Of course, this is observational from my own experience, but I wonder how many truly believe what they are saying, or they are saying it because that is what they are "meant to say" in today's society? I suspect that the fact that they are saying it at all, negates their "don't care" statement. If they didn't care, why even mention not caring?
I think it is good to reflect on our own humanity and despite my friend's questioning of his lot in life currently, I think once he takes a step back, he will realise how good it actually is and, perhaps increase his gratitude. What is clear from the conversation however is, he has recognised how much he values having a small community of good friends around to share things with and I feel he is going to focus more energy on his people, rather than chase things.
More should do the similar.
Taraz
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