Jordan Peterson has become pretty famous these days, at least since he gave an interview with a feminist interviewer who was perhaps not so good at her job. In any case, I'm seeing people link to him with increasing frequency and, as a result, this video of him discussing rejection in a reproductive context came across my youtube feed.
Before we head to the video though, I want to walk us through a little thought experiment. I'll address this to men because the video is about them, but really I think it's the same for everyone so feel free to swap in your preferred genders.
Think back to any time in your life, maybe even a time when you were depressed and felt down about yourself. Now, thinking back, where there women you saw that you simply weren't interested in sexually? Maybe even women that you found unattractive?
Now, did you think those women shouldn't breed? Or that her genes should definitely not survive another generation?
I'm guessing no unless it was someone you truly hated. In fact, through most of my life, I felt completely undesirable and incapable of dating. Yet during all that time there were still women I simply found unattractive or even women I saw as attractive but "not my type." Lots of them in fact.
So now let's talk about Mr. Peterson's lecture, where he starts off asking what it feels like to approach a woman you find attractive. The class responds with various versions of "scary" and he exclaims "absolutely!"
For many of us, that's definitely true! It can be terrifying to approach someone, especially as an introvert!
Next is where it goes off the rails though, because Mr. Peterson then makes the claim that being rejected is a judgment that their "genes should definitely not survive another generation."
What. The. Fuck?
We all just went through that thought experiment right? I know I've never thought a person shouldn't reproduce, so why is he adding that pressure to his students' pre-existing fears?
He tacks on statements about how "no one cares" about these kinds of men because they are "low status" and further piles on references to women as the "gatekeepers" of reproduction because they are selective.
It's a perfect storm of playing into the fears many boys have, some of the fears which actually stay with us for decades even.
It's also fundamentally untrue. We just thought about it ourselves right? There are plenty of women out there we're uninterested in but whom we don't judge as low status, unimportant or undeserving of reproduction. He paints us men as unselective and unable to select, yet we tacitly reject most women on sight by simply looking away to find a more attractive person.
So to any guys out there struggling with this fear, the best thing you can do for yourself is moving past it.
Remember that you're selecting just as much as she is.
Remember that when you aren't into most women it isn't because she's inferior... it's because she's just not your type.
Most importantly, don't let people like Mr. Peterson feed your fears because your fear will only hold you back.