Now while loneliness can indeed be crippling for many and while people tend to be social by nature I can quite happily argue that being alone affects different people differently. Take the example of Beatrice Flamini. You can read about her expedition for solitude here. Again the quick version is that she went underground and kept to herself with no contact with the outside world, no light, nothing for 500 days. What happened? She kept herself busy and enjoyed her time. Interestingly she read books and after 500 days? She didn't believe that much time had passed and asked to stay longer as she hadn't finished her book. She lost track of day and night, she had an auditory hallucination and a few cravings as well as some ups and downs but overall? A pleasant experience for her.

My guess is that she isn't typical of the average person. Perhaps she is typical of those who enjoy being solitary. It does happen. I just look at myself and my wife. I'll be heading to Indonesia (Surabaya probably) in January. I'm hoping to spend a month there just hanging out alone in a hotel room. I'll go to the hotel breakfast, probably walk the surrounding streets a bit, but mostly? I'll be hanging out in my room reading books, writing articles, watching TV and working on getting the Great Little Dragons community going. No friends, no acquaintances, no socializing. I am really looking forward to that. My wife? Just the thought of spending that much time in a hotel room makes her antsy. She wants to go places, meet people and DO things.

• My wife loves social things
• I love solitary things

I suppose we are just wired differently.

Even solitary people need interaction

Now you might think that some people like Ms. Flamini or myself don't need friends and can be happy just on our own. However, I would tend to disagree. Sure both of us are solitary by nature and don't need much social interaction. However, if you look Ms. Flamini read books while she was down in the cave. Reading books puts you together with the author who could act as a surrogate friend. Someone who is of course doing all the talking but still the book can feel as if you have someone beside you. In addition she also had a crew of people making sure things like food were provided, waste was removed, and monitoring her video's and vital signs to make sure she was OK. That is important because it meant she was linked to other people. Those others were people who cared for her even if they didn't chat or talk to her. In addition she knew that what she was doing was for scientific research. Her actions would benefit society as a whole as it would let people know about the effects of light and social deprivation.

Why does that matter?

I am only guessing but here is my guess. Even down in a cave for 500 days she was still part of a social network. Yes she was solitary but she was still part of something larger than just herself. She was part of a group doing scientific research. She was part of a team that was doing something important. She belonged and could see that she belonged by her waste being taken away, her food coming to her, her video's being watched. I believe that gave her two things: Social connection and Purpose. Did she have friends? No. Did she have direct connection? No. But in my opinion social connection and purpose are vital.

Being part of something

If I had my ideal situation I'd be living off grid. Have a small cabin for myself and a nice little garden. Solitary or with my wife, either is fine. With or without my kids, either is fine. Every week I'd like to travel into town, go to church, go to the market, and chat with a few people. If they are friends? That would be great. If they are just acquaintances? I can live with that too. However, it is important to me that I produce something on my farm for both myself AND the food bank or the church. Doing that means that my gardening has PURPOSE beyond myself. Going to church and participating with others means that I have a social network even if I am only loosely associated with it. Even just shopping in the local community means I am part of something, even if just tangentially.

If you put me on an alien planet, alone, just having my home and garden only for myself? I'd be dead in no time

I can do fine with few or no friends but purpose and social interaction even on a basic level is essential for me.

Now I'm unlikely to find myself alone on a foreign planet. However, a far more likely scenario is getting old, getting decrepit and ending up in a care home. It happened to my stepfather during COVID and family weren't allowed to visit. Now he wasn't a very social person but in the home he had no purpose. He just sat in his room or went to get his meals. His mind was going so he couldn't form friendships of remember his social connections. More importantly he had no purpose and didn't serve as a beneficial member of the group. Within a year he was a shadow of his original self and within two years he was gone.

I could be wrong but I firmly believe that even the most solitary person needs to feel like they are part of something and useful.

Some people need far more

Solitary people like myself may be fine without friends but people like my w wifeould be doomed without them. My wife need social interaction. She needs to hang out with friends. She needs to talk, spend time, and enjoy the company of friends. The more the better. The closer the better. The more social stimulation the better! You could call it personality or demeanor but I prefer to think of it in a different way. I like to think of it as a social battery.

I firmly believe that people have a social battery....all people. The difference is what kind of battery they have inside. Some people have a battery that gets recharged when they meet with other people. A social gathering with other people? Battery recharged. A social gathering with family and friends? Full boost in no time! As for myself? My social battery gets drained every minute I'm with a crowd. The bigger the crowd the faster my social battery runs dry. How do I recharge my social battery? Easy. Time along reading a book, watching a video, or listening to music. I guess that isn't an exhaustive list as many other solitary activities would also work just fine.

Loneliness still hits me though

Don't get me wrong. I still get lonely. The difference between my wife and I though. My wife seeks out company because it invigorates her. I avoid it as it drains me. However when loneliness hits I go out to socialize until my social battery is dead and then retreat to myself. My wife? She actively seeks out others at all times to keep herself charged. She gets drained AND lonely if kept to herself.

Social media doesn't help anyone much

Now going back to the Surgeon General's report. Loneliness is bad. Reading posts on social media doesn't really count as social interaction. It lets you watch other peoples lives but doesn't make you a part of them. It lets you see others success (face it most social media is somewhat staged for best optics) and that makes people feel insufficient or missing out. Social media makes you feel somewhat attached without actually being so. Decreased time together and decreased attachment.

End result: terrible on health.

Personally I'd much rather be stuck in a cave or hotel room and come out for regular, brief, real social interaction that rely on social media. My wife? She just uses social media to try to find new friends to meet up with in person. Either way, real world interaction is vital...

So, while I post regularly on HIVE I also know its no substitute for getting out there in the real world every now and then.

Of course feel free to disagree, or let me know if I missed the mark in the comments. I do enjoy comments as they actually are a little form of social engagement. Thanks for reading this far, I do appreciate it. Might even say it gives me a purpose which I said was so important 😂