MY PRISON - THE MEMOIRS OF AN ADDICT
It's not often I go on the Steemit platform glorifying anything related to drug abuse and the long standing issues which follow, but today I am making an exception. Not in the sense of glorification of addiction, but more of recovery. I myself have had a long standing battle with addiction, mainly due to traumas in life that were nearly unbearable to have the ability to think upon. During my lowest times in addiction, I crafted an original hip hop song, titled "My Prison". This article is a brief introduction into that as well as my initiative I am going to head that is in support of the toughest battle any addict will face, recovery. Please, read on....
My name is Devon and I have been an addict and alcoholic for over 15 years of my natural life
The vast majority of my youth, starting at the age of 13, I began to drown out life traumas by using drugs and alcohol in copious amounts. I was considered a God among men in the circles I traveled with, due to my tolerance, which statistically has always been at least 4x higher than the typical human toxicity rate. I started my downward spiral in the bottle, adopting a family gene called alcoholism, kindly passed down many generations to me. That was just the beginning of a lifelong battle that nearly claimed my life on several occasions and ingrained traumatic experiences in my head that I will never be able to brush off. This is how it started....
By the age of 15 I was regularly using alcohol and was addicted to prescription pills such as benzos and opiates, long before the large scale epidemic we see today. My home life was so shattered that I felt I was not loved and had no family, causing me to flee my home and escape to the streets of Baltimore, MD. Landing in the murder capitol of the USA was not an easy task, but I found a sense of family with people I met and shortly after was engaged in organized crime which helped fuel my drug addiction. By the age of 16, I had added a new drug to my roster, cocaine. Though I never freebased it or "smoked crack", I found something in using it that made me feel invincible. It wasn't long before my favoritism to the drug pulled me into large scale distribution.
By the age of 18 I was a kingpin drug dealer and a very heavy user of cocaine. I had so much at any time, a virtually endless supply to feed my addiction and business ventures. I was at this time partying heavily, consuming at some points well over 7 grams in a 6 to 8 hour period, to myself. One night when partying with some of my associates in what we called "the compound", I went above and beyond the call of duty. I had done roughly 10 grams to myself, nearly a half ounce, of high quality raw cocaine withing a very small time frame. Mind you the average human toxicity rate is approximately 1 gram in an hour period, from information I have received in the past. I suffered my first and almost life ending overdose.....this was one of the most physically painful things I have ever experienced. I never received medical treatment, however we had someone with an adrenaline shot and proper medical training paid to be ready to impact my heart at any minute. This was a brief eye opener....but it did not break the cycle as you would think.....
One would think nearly killing themselves would change their mind, right? Wrong....
I spent five days incapacitated on the couch in that place under constant watch. The physical recoup was completely miserable, to be honest I had wished I was going to die. I pulled through, from what Godly intervention or miracle I cannot explain. Being the sick individual I was, trapped in my own prison of addiction, I jumped right back on the horse. Though I consumed less, I still kept using and pushing my life to it's limits. In the next year I suffered two more severe drug overdoses, one of which basically had killed me, but I somehow managed to pull myself free from it as well. It's insanity the way we addicts can go through such things and still go running back to our love at the time, addiction. It had gotten to the point where I felt lost, like I had no hope and that I would never be more than what I was. I continued trafficking and using. It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally broke the cycle once with heavy use when depression and addiction claimed the only person in my life close enough to be my brother, Kenny. Due to a drug enraged fit combined with feelings of inadequacy and deep depression, Kenny went on a binge and vanished. His sister and mother found him in his back yard hanging from a tree by knotted clothesline and called me to come cut him loose.....this broke me mentally and emotionally for quite some time and began to give me feelings of hatred for the drug, though it took many years to finally part ways.
I continued to use for years at a slower pace, taking breaks in-between as deemed necessary....but always going back....
My 20's were spent doing a great deal of things that were positive, all the while masking my drug use and criminal enterprises. From recording music to operating my own successful businesses, I had felt like I was becoming better, despite the fact I was still using. From having the DEA hunt me down to the Task Force raids, there was truly never a dull moment. How did I drown it out or celebrate a victory? Take a wild guess. I finally after many, many years of addiction, loss and pain was finally able to permanently break this cycle for good and become sober. I had just had enough. It did not matter to me how many years my loved ones or people close to me begged me to stop, I was not ready. It was not until I had had enough where I had finally gotten clean and kept it that way. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life.....
So what am I getting at with this brief story of addiction?
What I am explaining to everyone is that I am no stranger to addiction, pain, depression and everything that comes with it. I left a great deal of detail out of my story, in hopes that I can use it in multiple articles to help those who fight the same battle that I do every single day, the struggle to remain in recovery. Outside of the Steemit platform I own and operate a Non Profit Organization by the name of RAADE (Recovering Addicts Against the Drug Epidemic). With my works I have saved countless lives, just as well as buried many a good hearted person trapped in their vice. My goal is to bring a recovery oriented initiative to the community and offer as many resources, as well as support, as possible to any of you who may be struggling with any form of addiction. By working hand in hand with my existing NPO, I honestly believe we as a community can provide the support some need to live a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes all an addict needs is compassion, you honestly never know. So it is with this post that I am announcing the opening of a recovery based initiative within the next week, headed by myself but here for the community. I will continue to shed more light on this as time goes, and if you are interested in hearing more parts of my life's story, follow the initiative when it begins. I am going to use detailed memoirs of my life as building blocks to possibly save another's. Anyone in support of this, please share it in the comment section.