It was a beautiful day. Hot as hell yes but still beautiful. The day began before six am and by eight forty five, I had cooked their first lunch in more than ten years. I was sure I killed smiling during the process because there was this wide grin across my face the entire time.
The stew had a little more than the good spices I used. It had this motherly nostalgic aroma within it. All my longing fried together with the green peas and the beef. I had to keep time too so I left early and after an hour and a half on the road North of where I live, I made it to my destination.
She always lights up when she sees me which makes me float. Arms around my neck and I am home. She is home too as I am her home. We linger a minute longer like we are confirming to each other how much we missed each other. Then her slender young arm crosses mines possessively and I am guided to where other parents are seated.
She mentions that I look great proudly and asks if her older brother is coming then why I left her younger one home. After an hour the older brother and their dad are a show and again I notice the glow. Within another hour her class is performing a spoken word piece...(still looking for how to post it here). She graduates and all of us gang up against the earlier made stew.
After being granted a school leave out to help take her shopping for snacks out, we hit the road to the nearby small town. Again, I can't believe what is happening. After years of separation from pieces of my own soul, I get to build a relationship with them. Freely. Without being insulted for my unqualified mothering skills. Just because I left an abusive man.
I saw him today. I still need to work on a lot. Or why do I still hate him that much? But he did more than enough to ask for it. He asked for it. I am proud to admit that it's good to see him and not be afraid of him. I conquered that fear.
I am grateful I experienced today. I am also a bit fearful of the fruits it brought forth in a way though. From December, I get to get back the missing parts of my soul. As excited as one should be, I am also choosing to be very logical and say that it's also very scary. The how will I handle all this and what if I fail them or myself are clearly trying to outdo each other in trying to strangle my recently acquired strength.
Wish me luck...
Grather Academy 2018 class.
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Thank you for coming.
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