<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[RSS Feed]]></title><description><![CDATA[RSS Feed]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com</link><image><url>http://direct.ecency.com/logo512.png</url><title>RSS Feed</title><link>http://direct.ecency.com</link></image><generator>RSS for Node</generator><lastBuildDate>Tue, 19 May 2026 09:11:44 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="http://direct.ecency.com/@the-onion/rss" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><item><title><![CDATA[Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2017]]></title><description><![CDATA[Trump Gives Intelligence Agencies Their Daily Briefing Bloodied, Bruised John Kerry Emerges Victorious At Kickboxing Tournament In Bangkok Prison SeaWorld Café Introduces New 5-Pound Orca Burger–Eating]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2017</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2017</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 01 Jan 2020 17:30:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFKWQd2FV2c1VTYqiezwrqXS7XGd8bs7gSr?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2016]]></title><description><![CDATA[Exhausted Bill Belichick Attempts To Wake Up By Splashing Some Blood On His Face Pajama-Clad Child Makes Turbulent Rampage Through Dinner Party Corn Added To List Of Items That Upset Grandma’s Stomach]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2016</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2016</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 01 Jan 2020 11:30:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFLbWLZr4ZaLRWYo6wGLUvbzZgnqijg7BEn?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2015]]></title><description><![CDATA[Supreme Court Releases Young Scalia’s Audition Tape Government Admits It Was Only Behind Destruction Of North Tower HR Director Reminds Employees That Any Crying Done At Office Must Be Work-Related Woman’s]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2015</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2015</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 01 Jan 2020 04:59:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFMR6jDZL3cw2WTeUS2PtzvGND924n8idPc?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Our Dumb Decade: Best Of 2014]]></title><description><![CDATA[Girlfriend Overdoses On Lotion Study: This Descended From Wolves Seahawks To Seattle Fans: ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ Pilot Tells Passengers He’s About To Try Something Mom Just Called To Say Hi And That She’s]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2014</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-dumb-decade-best-of-2014</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 01 Jan 2020 01:00:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFKV1A5Ar12vihGj3VLF5mLxQu5K7Nm23MG?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Our Annual Year: Best Of Entertainment]]></title><description><![CDATA[New ‘Avengers’ Fan Theory Suggests Key To Beating Thanos Could Be Nothing Because He Not Real And None Of This Exists Leaked George Lucas Sex Tape Includes Digitally Inserted Footage Of Jabba The Hutt]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-annual-year-best-of-entertainment</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-annual-year-best-of-entertainment</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Dec 2019 21:00:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFMEYVAJjWTGi4WAi4qLJYbkEYDVquEX17C?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Our Annual Year: Best Of Sports]]></title><description><![CDATA[Tony Romo Realizes He Should Have Used Ability To Read Defenses Back When He Was Still Playing Tom Brady Feeling Guilty After Gorging Self On Full Order Of Kansas-City-Style Tap Water Nike Fires 8-Year-Old]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-annual-year-best-of-sports</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/our-annual-year-best-of-sports</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Dec 2019 17:00:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFKVyidpEKwufRtMksS8jjPKusTFhVZHMxa?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[The 10 Greatest Games Of The Past Decade]]></title><description><![CDATA[The last 10 years have been a period of dramatic evolution in video games. From revolutions in interactive storytelling (remember a time when “walking simulator” and “Souls” weren’t genres?) to significant]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/the-10-greatest-games-of-the-past-decade</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/the-10-greatest-games-of-the-past-decade</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Dec 2019 13:00:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFLrRGEBimriHMJBcDHzCJEsqWhtugpFcx6?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Report: Make It Stop]]></title><description><![CDATA[Please, Just Make It Stop EVERYWHERE—Claiming that they just couldn’t stand this bullshit anymore, Americans across the country confirmed Friday that someone, anyone needs to please, just make it stop.]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/report-make-it-stop</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/report-make-it-stop</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Dec 2019 09:20:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFMWgCDb9pRUPrsa9UT1rufKdFy4VpyQjee?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Prominent Evangelical Magazine Calls For Removing Trump From Holy Trinity]]></title><description><![CDATA[CAROL STREAM, IL—In a scathing opinion piece published Thursday by Christianity Today, the evangelical magazine’s editor-in-chief Mark Galli made the case for President Trump’s removal from the Holy Trinity.]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/prominent-evangelical-magazine-calls-for-removing-trump-from-holy-trinity</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/prominent-evangelical-magazine-calls-for-removing-trump-from-holy-trinity</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Dec 2019 00:58:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/3DLAmCsuTe3bedoVH7fcCEGbrYuP2wQaVrxmGyPYrAsvCSh8GEa6YpheUdHnetqwLqo6FYrDnFYFHG7VXk3KWbDyyLJzGCQLdMPkPG7RiA4S26bHSmuCCBpCg8VWkFMEjMNfmsLvhFu871URx6GAcxgrJHzF7EW?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Critics In 2030s Ask Why Teen Climate Activist Isn’t In Abandoned School Bailing Water And Shooting Enemy Foragers]]></title><description><![CDATA[NEW RICHMOND, EV — In response to the attention she was receiving for her vocal objections to international leaders’ refusal to address global warming, critics in the 2030s asked why teen climate activist]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/critics-in-2030s-ask-why-teen-climate-activist-isn-t-in-abandoned-school-bailing-water-and-shooting-enemy-foragers</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/critics-in-2030s-ask-why-teen-climate-activist-isn-t-in-abandoned-school-bailing-water-and-shooting-enemy-foragers</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 15 Dec 2019 18:30:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHB9oi3YmNBwQx9X2mSdn7d9u82?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Nation Finally Stands Far Enough Away From Jackson Pollock Painting To Realize It Realistic Still Life Of Fruit]]></title><description><![CDATA[NEW YORK — Straining their eyes from the opposite wall of the gallery, the nation finally stood far enough away from one of Jackson Pollock’s artworks to realize it is actually a realistic still life painting]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/nation-finally-stands-far-enough-away-from-jackson-pollock-painting-to-realize-it-realistic-still-life-of-fruit</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/nation-finally-stands-far-enough-away-from-jackson-pollock-painting-to-realize-it-realistic-still-life-of-fruit</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 15 Dec 2019 02:04:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHBu7nzZNDysQqvECbeatNcPDti?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Shoe From Goodwill Still Has Foot In It]]></title><description><![CDATA[We're not sure whose foot it is, but customers say the shoe is in surprisingly good condition for such a low price! A Goodwill employee says, "This shoe is really great-condition. I'm sure you won't]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/shoe-from-goodwill-still-has-foot-in-it</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/shoe-from-goodwill-still-has-foot-in-it</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 14 Dec 2019 10:49:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHCgwr8gR9uWVtvmczK1dtCMyuG?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Company’s Holiday Party Moves Up Timeline For Bankruptcy By 4 Months]]></title><description><![CDATA[SEATTLE — With the celebration rapidly burning through the diminishing supply of cash that has kept the local business solvent, sources confirmed Wednesday the holiday party of Simmons Analytics has moved]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/company-s-holiday-party-moves-up-timeline-for-bankruptcy-by-4-months</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/company-s-holiday-party-moves-up-timeline-for-bankruptcy-by-4-months</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 13 Dec 2019 22:44:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHAwdSkTWrHRTNmbP4yPCGJtR4r?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Grandmother Down To 10-Step Radius Around Recliner In Den]]></title><description><![CDATA[MARTINSBURG, MD — Noting that most rooms of her home are now effectively off-limits to her, the family of local grandmother Edith Wilson confirmed this week that the 84-year-old is down to a 10-step radius]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/grandmother-down-to-10-step-radius-around-recliner-in-den</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/grandmother-down-to-10-step-radius-around-recliner-in-den</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 13 Dec 2019 08:34:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHBwwL4AbdMXhtoSCR5TF33AGcN?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[White Castle Bathroom Stall Celebrates 5th Conception]]></title><description><![CDATA[What a joyous occasion. Only reviled by the newly announced chicken-sliders White Castle is now offering for a limited time! America's Finest News Source Article Link TheOnion.com @TheOnion]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/white-castle-bathroom-stall-celebrates-5th-conception</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/white-castle-bathroom-stall-celebrates-5th-conception</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 21:37:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHB4pFFXK11hh6TD4C5L5KB17hY?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Pros And Cons Of Social Media Banning Political Ads]]></title><description><![CDATA[Twitter recently announced a ban on political advertising, adding fuel to the debate of whether social media should allow campaign ads and how claims made in those ads might be regulated. The Onion looks]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/pros-and-cons-of-social-media-banning-political-ads</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/pros-and-cons-of-social-media-banning-political-ads</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 17:35:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHApYQ12JNknjLvKyZLQNVvsnjp?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Town Hag Getting In Pretty Good Day Of Shaking Jangly Bell-Covered Stick While Pointing And Screaming ‘You Will Die!’]]></title><description><![CDATA[ANSBACH, MITTELFRANKEN — Expressing pride at all she had accomplished before even glimpsing the noonday sun, 127-year-old town hag Maelga Vitterbach admitted Wednesday that she was getting in a pretty]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/town-hag-getting-in-pretty-good-day-of-shaking-jangly-bell-covered-stick-while-pointing-and-screaming-you-will-die</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/town-hag-getting-in-pretty-good-day-of-shaking-jangly-bell-covered-stick-while-pointing-and-screaming-you-will-die</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 13:33:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHAaDH6esCMDigHhF6JZdgLeDiN?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[God Recounts Torrid Affair With Michelangelo That Began When Posing For Sistine Chapel Fresco]]></title><description><![CDATA[THE HEAVENS — Calling the years of the whirlwind romance amongst the greatest of His life, Supreme Being and Creator of All Things God recounted Wednesday the torrid affair with 16th-century Italian artist]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/god-recounts-torrid-affair-with-michelangelo-that-began-when-posing-for-sistine-chapel-fresco</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/god-recounts-torrid-affair-with-michelangelo-that-began-when-posing-for-sistine-chapel-fresco</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 10:31:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHBEmZk9YxJQGZQmVihHQBvv9Mg?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Unshakable Determination In The Face Of Adversity: Mom Is Currently Telling The CVS Cashier A Fourth Phone Number To Try For A Discount Card]]></title><description><![CDATA[Get ready to feel inspired, because the story currently unfolding at the Main Street Shopping Centre in Holbrook, NY proves just how resilient the human spirit can be: Mom is currently telling the CVS]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/unshakable-determination-in-the-face-of-adversity-mom-is-currently-telling-the-cvs-cashier-a-fourth-phone-number-to-try-for-a</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/unshakable-determination-in-the-face-of-adversity-mom-is-currently-telling-the-cvs-cashier-a-fourth-phone-number-to-try-for-a</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 04:59:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHCPoqfS4jLURtdMiuEg1cCoFvn?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item><item><title><![CDATA[Trump Offers Hunter Biden Job In Energy Department Based On Oil Industry Experience]]></title><description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON — Touting his impressive record of serving on the board of a notable natural gas company, President Donald Trump offered Hunter Biden a job in the U.S. Department of Energy Monday based on his]]></description><link>http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/trump-offers-hunter-biden-job-in-energy-department-based-on-oil-industry-experience</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://direct.ecency.com/news/@the-onion/trump-offers-hunter-biden-job-in-energy-department-based-on-oil-industry-experience</guid><category><![CDATA[news]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[the-onion]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 12 Dec 2019 01:48:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://i.ecency.com/p/MG5aEqKFcQi6ksuzVh6Jg2nEp6wn6URVpJYJ87uTQCYCoxGtAqPMhn8oDdtb5F2exZPWgCbHBKufmE3hFntd9j5wfcj5DuhQr?format=match&amp;mode=fit" length="0" type="false"/></item></channel></rss>