Ladies and gentlemen, from the moment those green numbers appeared in my portfolio, I was a dead man.
I've been getting f'd in the b ever since - and no, that B does not refer to Bitcoin.
Every day, within ten seconds of opening my bloodshot eyes, I've already entered coinmarketcap.com and either high-fived my morning boner or cried a single tear bitter enough to make dessert wine taste like rotten grapefruit. From that morning moment, I am trapped.
Formally, I am a student of sociology and scandinavian studies. Formally.
I SHOULD be reading Ibsen and Marx, get hammered on craft beer and rant about the state of the Norwegian language. However, that is not how my life is playing out. In actuality, I'm watching Bitconnect memes while frantincally checking my portfolio and trying to find out why XRB has fallen 25% in the last 30 minutes. Sometimes while eating. Sometimes while on the toilet. Always on a caffeine high that would give a mammoth a severe case of the runs.
Dear reader, I have no life anymore. I have nothing in common with the common man. POS, the tangle, crypto memes and the crypto corner of YouTube has made me into a crypto husk. Ask me about trends in the market, ask me about the Tether scandal, ask me about short term investing in IOTA, ask me if I've seen some juicy Tron-memes lately. I will without doubt have an answer. Ask me about the real world, and you will see a relatively grown 5ft9 man cry while also shitting his pants in a sad confused manner.
When I talk, nobody understands me anymore. It's like I talk a foreign language which no-one understands. The only peron I even talk to these days is a weirdo in Switzerland who wears hats, buys old ruined carpets and once got assaulted by a wild boar - and even then it's about altcoins that no mentally healthy man has ever heard of.
Dear reader, dear steemian, dear brother or sister: I am no man. We are no longer part of the human race. We have become something else. I have become an alien on my own planet. I have become the crypto.
Right now, I should be writing my mandatory sociology assignment. In stead, I'm writing this.
Please God. Send help.