Breaking up sucks and moving forward is difficult... especially when you're the one that got dumped. It's hard, I know. So what happens now? How do you deal with the pain and the separation anxiety? Do you want to get your ex back? Do you want to move on and find a new, more meaningful relationship? Maybe you just want to become stronger and more complete than ever before. It's your choice, but all of these things require that you grow and become a better version of yourself. It requires personal development.
Eating ice-cream and pizza, watching depressing movies, and going on a drunken tirade isn't going to get your ex back. Being resentful and silly on social media only seems petty. In fact, any form of emotional rationalization will delay the recovery period and, in all likelihood, make things worse. Alas, here is a much better alternative to waking up next to the waiter in Cancun, or spending the next three months in your stretchy pants. I developed this 7 step guide after years of practice and experience. It is an excellent way to accelerate the breakup recovery period and it has worked wonders for my clients.
STEP 1: RELAX
Don't make any major decisions yet. Meditate, go on a walk or take a deep breath. Do whatever it takes to get yourself in a stable, problem-solving mode. Organizing your room and picking up a hobby is always a good idea. Studies show that stress can sabotage our decision making process ... so do yourself a favor and chillax!
STEP 2: REALIZE
After reaching a calm, clear state, it is important to do a quick reality check. Realize that you're okay, and no, you cannot die from a broken heart. Realize, that in most cases, a breakup is everyones fault, and seldom one-sided. How can you learn and grow from this? What changes have to occur so that the next relationship is a deep and meaningful one? Lastly, its important to realize that feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, attachment, and laziness will lead you to a dark and deep place.
STEP 3: RESET
Forgive and forget! Whatever the case may be, leaving the past behind is necessary for healing to begin. Letting go of negative thoughts and emotions is instrumental in moving forward with class and grace.
Here is a great exercise that helps my clients instantly feel better: Write a letter to your ex and any other party involved (ouch!) in the breakup. Write down your feelings and how the breakup has affected you. Write down everything you could possibly say to this person. When you are done, fold the letter and write your ex's name on it. Then take the letter with both hands and verbalize the words "I forgive you". Say it a few times, say it loud and convincingly. Proceed to ripping the letter to shreds and dispose of it.
Pressing the reset button on life means making a personal commitment to never go back to the old ways, never call your ex and never be dependent on anyone else, ever again. Write that commitment where you can see it and say it daily. Take a lipstick to your bathroom mirror if you have to.
STEP 4: REINVENT
This is my favorite part and it starts, simply, by believing in yourself. A breakup means a clean slate. You have a brand new canvas to design the future you want, and believing that it's possible is imperative. Believing in yourself is the basis of all growth mindsets.
What does the perfect version of you, The Super You, look like? What does she wear? Where does she live? What does she look like? Who are her friends? Does she own a business or run a large corporation? Does she have a family? What is her passion or life purpose? If you didn't have dreams and aspirations before, then it's time to develop those dreams now. There are no limits to who you can become...if you just believe.
STEP 5: REBUILD
You know who the perfect version of yourself is because you've envisioned it and she looks good... no, she looks fucking amazing! She is a boss lady, she is a Queen. She's an HVW ... a High Value Woman. Now, it's time to build the perfect strategy to become The Super You. Setting S.M.A.R.T. goals is extremely important. One foot in front of the other!
STEP 6: RELEASE
You have a solid strategy for success, now it's time to put it into effect. Be confident ... you have a good plan! Logically, you will stumble here and there, and thats okay! Keep moving forward at all costs. Remember the commitment you made to yourself when you press reset! So go out there, try new experiences, and be open to new opportunities. Self discovery is an amazing thing!
STEP 7: REPEAT
Repeat this process until you master the art of break up recovery, until it becomes muscle memory. You will be amazed how this process can be applied to everything in life. Then, and only then, will you become The Super You.
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Gonzalo Gomez
Certified Life Coach. Relationship Coach.