I just watched the movie Wrong Turn 5: Bloodline. It's a horror movie that was released in 2012. It's mildly interesting but not that scary.
That said, there's an especially interesting mini-story at the beginning of the movie. It's about the first person to die in the movie - a news reporter named Kaleen Weber.
Kaleen was a super talented news reporter and a star at her station. She got the best jobs because she was the best at her job. That's why she was unhappy and unexcited when she was sent to Fairlake to cover the Mountain Man Music Festival.
Anyway, after making a preliminary report on the festival, Kaleen went out for a jog. It was during her jog she was murdered in the woods.
Now, this is where things got more interesting.
You see, she was supposed to be on camera for another news report after her jog. But her death obviously made that impossible. Meanwhile, the cameraman was getting antsy. He complained bitterly about how he hated working with "talents."
When he could no longer wait, the cameraman simply dragged Kaleen's assistant in front of the camera. He told the assistant to make the news report. The assistant could not believe her luck. That's probably what she'd be dreaming about all her life. Amid half-hearted protests, she made the news report.
To be frank, it wasn't a bad one.
Here's where I'm going:
For the remainder of the film, no one mentioned or asked after the reporter. The only other time she was shown in the movie was when she was being butchered.
Anyway, the lesson here is simple:
Everyone is dispensable. Anyone can be replaced no matter how talented, skilled and unique they are. Doing things for others and trying to please them at all costs is a terrible way to live. People who live like that make the mistake of thinking that other people would not survive without them.
They believe, wrongfully, that the continuous existence of other people or a particular person rely solely on them. Because of that, they sacrifice time, resources, skills and even worse, happiness to make others happy.
But the fact is, other people will get by just fine without you. They do it all the time when they lose people they love to breakups, distance or death. Or even when they lose their jobs. So thinking that people will not survive without you is egomaniacal. Plus, it robs you of the opportunity to discover who you truly are.
Living for other people and putting them first means you are different things to different people. You have no identity of your own. Just a bunch of fragmented and disjointed identities. Two people who know you will be unable to reconcile their knowledge of you because you assume a different identity with each of them.
It's one of the greatest cost of putting others first:
A complete loss of identity
You simply don't know who you are if you're not being something to someone. At home, you're a dutiful BF/GF, husband, wife, mother, father, son or daughter. At work, you're a hardworking employee and a likable coworker.
Now, don't get me wrong. These things are not bad. In fact, they are wonderful and desirable. But underneath all of that noise, who are you? Losing your own identity to take up false ones for the sake of other people is a horrible way to live.
There's no way you'll be happy with yourself. And the worse part about all of this is that when you're not happy with yourself, it seeps out into how you relate with other people. The people you are trying to please are underserved.
In other words, by trying to live for others you rob yourself and them of your best possible person. You fail yourself and you fail them. A phony personality does no good for anyone. And that's what living to please others or putting them first is - a bunch of phony personalities.
Putting yourself first and living for yourself on the other hand will make you happier. That happiness will radiate out of you and infect others. You'll be more enthusiastic about life and you'll do things better and with more eagerness. You'll get better results and serve others better.
Here's what I'm saying:
It doesn't matter who you'd like to put first. Living for yourself and putting yourself first is the only way you'd be able to please anyone - others or yourself.
Live for YOURSELF.
Put YOU first.
And start TODAY. Do things that make you happy not because someone wants you to but because you want to. Living for yourself is the only way to live, really. It's a WIN-WIN for everyone.