Not so long ago, I went for a meeting with an organisation called Inkling Women; it was a very insightful and informative meeting. It was all about women empowerment and what we can do at work to be considered equals at work.
Now, whilst they made some very good points , they also discussed points such as body language, how to 'stand tall' like a man, what tone to use so we sound as confident as men and so on. This got me thinking- why is it that we women need these support networks? why is it that someone has to tell us how to behave like a man to be considered an equal? I have never considered myself to be not an equal, hence, it comes as a great surprise to me when women feel intimidated by men at work- unless I were to get into a fist fight with a man(well or even a woman-since I have no upper or lower body strength) I think of myself just as smart and capable of doing anything a man can. I work with a lot of men, my immediate leader is a man and I will tell you one thing he or they have never done anything to undermine my capabilities.
It is a matter of perception. We as women doubt our own capabilities, we question our own selves. There was a lot of discussion around how women get interrupted more at work than men do and how we could overcome this problem and there I was sitting, listening to these women do exactly what they accuse men of doing- being sexist. The whole seminar was sexist. I interrupt my colleagues more than men, not because I am being disrespectful but because I get so excited about something that I end up interrupting a conversation(yes!! I know- its rude, I am working on it). If a man interrupted me I would do exactly what I would do if a woman interrupted me-i.e. wait for them to finish and start from where I left off. I could not believe that these wonderful ladies that I went to this meeting with needed to hear that from someone.
The other point they discussed was- when we women interrupt we apologise for interrupting; isn't it just basic manners. I know of men who would do the same because it is just good manners, it has nothing to do with being an equal.
We women can only be equals, when we start believing that we are, when we stop relying on reassurance from each other or men. When we feel confident in our own capabilities. The thing is, a lot of us lack confidence, we have been told that we are not capable of a few things and over a period of time and we actually started believing it. So, now is the time we have to start changing are mentality but most of all what we truly need to understand is that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. Just because men have played a dominant role in the society, it doesn't mean they have better qualities than us, they are just different from us. In the meeting, someone spoke about how we get emotional and we need to learn to control our emotions just like men can. Now, like I said men and women have different strengths, we are capable of empathy, showing emotions and there is NOTHING wrong in that, men are good at analysing things and this is how balance is created in this world. We are more nurturing and loving and men are more decisive and practical-I am not saying all are the same- some women may be more practical than there peers and some men maybe more in touch of their emotions, but the deal is that we need all these emotions and qualities for a perfect balance.
So, just because we want to be equal to men doesn't mean that we have to put men down, we are not better or worse than men. Even though we are the same specie we have different qualities and they both need to be embraced. We need to start believing on ourselves, it is not that we are always treated badly( I agree there is sexism in world) but we just lack confidence. Think about it, if a man interrupted another man, would the person who has been interrupted be as offended as we feel? So, if we truly wanted to be treated like an equal, we have to know that we are ARE equal. We have to stop playing the victim card and believe in ourselves- truly believe in ourselves.
One of the biggest things that I have learnt as a manager and after having numerous discussions with men and women is, the nonchalant attitude men have vs us, we women follow the book a lot. We always have something to prove and are too afraid to take risks. We are more afraid to be taken to HR or losing our job than men are, this is our strength and weakness- this helps us analysing the risk and creating a decorum at work place but also at the same time we become so afraid to make a mistake, thus leading to conflicts. For example, the policies at our work place clearly states that all my team members are to bring medical certificates each and every time they are unwell, now in the past I have gotten after those who did not adhere to these policies, managed them for not bringing in a stupid document. Have made a big deal of it, until I spoke to one of my male colleagues who asked me- so what if he didn't bring in a med certificate? he is performing well and maybe needed a mental break. -this could have come from my female colleagues too but they were on the same page as me that a medical certificate must be provided because the 'policy said so' and I felt I will be in trouble if they didn't provide it- after all I was doing the right thing. This is when I truly understood why a lot of times male leaders were preferred, because they took chances but also understand that women make great leaders because they are driven and passionate. We surely can learn from each other without comparing ourselves to each other or without competing against each other.
So, go ahead apply for that role you have wanted and didn't because you thought a man would get it. Speak up not because that is what a man would do but because you have a voice. Break some rules. Don't think like a man or woman think like a human. Dare to dare.