I have decided that I am going to start transcribing these pages for you. A friend of mine mentioned that the writing was getting harder to see, this is because the ink pen I had ran out and I started using a pencil, which has become very faint over 4 years.
Not to ramble on too much, but this part of the journey gives me sinking of the heart. I met a really beautiful, amazing young woman named Suzy who was from Germany. I told her that we were not allowed to fall in love. We could keep each other warm at night as we traveled, and we could love each other gently, but I was so resistant to allow any big flood of feeling come over me at this time as part of my austerities. I regret it when I think back to the look on her face and how she cried when she said she had fallen in Love with me later on. . . I can't even find her now, and I have called every nursing home in Cape Breton, where she was living and working as a Caregiver. But I digress. . .
Thank you all for reading.
Wednesday July 3, 2013
What a day!
So many forces were at hand today. Just when I thought that the rain was going to drive me into the ground or away from my purpose, I met Suzy at the cafe downtown. Once she had finished using the computer in the space, she asked whether I needed to get on it. I wasn't going to talk to her, but there was something of a beacon in the brightness of her smile and expressions.
I had been using the internet in this cafe and felt that i should contribute, so i bought a book of poems by Vallairine De Clayre, called "Written in Red" and a book on medicinal herbs, On the way back to my seat, Suzy reach out to me with another genuine smile and I had to ask if I could sit down and talk.
I sat with her and we talked to each other until the cafe closed at 6pm. Rain was still pouring and the street gutters were rushing with water that might trip you if you tried to tread across. A worker gave me a bag to protect my new 20 dollar guitar that I had bought that morning, and we walked to the bus stop, just a short walk down the street.
We skimmed over the details of our past and reach a place where I feel we stood in good resonance, harmonious chords, not to close and not too distant. Before we had known each other for a few hours, we had decided that we were going off to hitch hike to New Mexico from Asheville, beginning on Friday. It is a great feeling, having no hesitation and complete trust in someone so immediately. I am looking forward to the work we are going to do in New Mexico on this farm. When I started this day, I had no idea that such a grace would find me.
the rain has been so persistent and the doors to the house that Suzy led me back to are open for the cats and the air to move through freely. Suzy warmed up some bread that was frozen from a dumpster dive excursion and we had peanut butter and tomatoes around the time that Finch came in a told a little more history on the house(s) that these two brothers had made home.
The house I am sleeping on the porch of, on the couch under a warm blanket, was built in 1914 in a style that can be seen in houses up and down this street. The unfinished basement of this house was dug out by one of the brother, neither of which I have met, and was converted into a self-contained apartment.
I feel so blessed and graced by the way Suzy came into the picture. there is, I must admit, a potential for me to be stricken in a way by the beauty and charm that she so modestly possesses. So I will be ever aware that I am to keep in time with the rhythm that has been set by the universe. Heavy love feelings can be so hard to carry and I already hold so much in my small hands. I have to remember my "vows" and remind myself why I made them. . . .
Love from a body that once wandered well,
tommyinthesun