See sometimes when I really sit down and think these ... I realize that the one heavy feeling I still carry around is regret..... so it's not like the loud type that shows up every day, but the quiet one that just stays somewhere at the back of my mind and randomly comes up when I just least expect it.
So it is mostly tied to certain decisions I have made in the past, especially moments where I feel like I should have known better or done things differently, you know those situations where you look back and just shake your head like, “Why did I even do that?” Yeah… that kind.
So for a long time, I did not even realize how much that feeling was affecting me, I would just be going about my normal life, but deep down, there was always this small voice reminding me of what I could have done better, and somehow, it made it hard to fully enjoy where I am now, because a part of me was still stuck in what had already happened.
Sometimes it shows up as overthinking. Like I will be in a good moment, things are going fine, and then my mind just drifts back to the past, i start replaying situations, imagining different outcomes, thinking of what I should have said or done instead, and before I know it, I have left the present momentcompletely, i think the hardest part about regret is that you can not change anything, no matter how much you think about it, no matter how many times you replay it in your head, it’s already done, and coming to terms with that is not always easy.
But recently, I have been trying to shift my mindset a bit, I am learning that holding on to regret doesn’t really fix anything, it just keeps me stuck, Instead of helping me grow, it keeps dragging me back, so one step I am trying to take now is learning how to forgive myself, and I won’t lie, it is not something that just happens overnight, some days I still feel that weight, but I am slowly reminding myself that I did the best I could with what I knew at that time.
I have also started being more intentional about how I talk to myself, instead of being harsh and constantly blaming myself, I try to be a bit more understanding, like, if it was someone else in my position, I probably would not judge them as much as I judge myself, so why not extend that same grace to myself?
Focusing more on the present also helps, i try to remind myself that the past is over and that what I do now can still shape what comes next.
I am starting to understand that holding on to regret is, like punishing myself for something I cannot change, I do not want to live like that, So I am still learning, still growing, I know that I deserve to enjoy my life without being held back by my regret, I deserve to enjoy my life as it's now without always thinking about what has already happened, Regret is still something I deal with, It is still a part of my life but I am trying to let go of it.
I am trying to move on with my life.
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